Ilse Hruby

My Marriage with a Scientologist

original title
Meine Ehe mit einem Scientologen

(c) by Ilse Hruby, El Awadalla and Maria Susanne Klar

translated by Joe Cisar

2002 update for English-language release

Before the English language version of Ilse Hruby's book was published on the Internet, the author was asked if she had gotten any response from Scientology or her former husband as a result of her experiences. The good news is that neither Scientology nor her former husband have sued her. However, there were several incidents she felt were related to either her husband or to Scientology. Several weeks after Ilse Hruby's book was released in September 2000, the hospital in which she worked as an operating room (OR) nurse received a letter, an English rendition of which follows. Comment: The XXXXXX General Hospital was an old hospital and did not have an internet connection at this time.

Dr. Martin LXXXX,

Vienna, Austria
October 11, 2000

XXXXXX General Hospital
Attn: Business Management

Subject: My client Mr. Pascal* HXXXX and member of your staff Mrs. Ilse Hruby

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am entrusted with the legal representation of Mr. Pascal* HXXXX [address].

My client is the divorced husband of Mrs. Ilse Hruby, who is employed with you in the emergency department as OR nurse. Mrs. Ilse Hruby spends very much time distributing incorrect statements over the internet about her past with my client and about - my client is a Scientologist - Scientology. This has gotten to the point where my client has to ask what kind of time and effort Mrs. Ilse Hruby has to put into this effort.

Based on Mrs. Ilse Hruby's duty times and the date-time stamps of Mrs. Ilse Hruby's submissions to the internet, my client has the suspicion that she may be using your computer equipment for her internet access.

In the event this suspicion is verified, my client respectfully asks that a stop be put these unfortunate occurrences. Respectfully, /signature/

The book's author also reported several coincidences that may possibly be not connected to her experiences with Scientology, but which caught her attention due to their unusual and alarming nature and proximity to the turn of events.

Several weeks after the above letter was written, she found in her bedroom two rocks, which had arrived there via the windows while she was at work and while her son was at school.

Around the time her divorce was being finalized in March 1999, she arrived home from work one day to find her previously healthy 6-year-old cat dead in the garden. There was no visible sign of how the cat died. In about the same time period, after a meeting with a journalist, she returned to her car to find two of the tires slashed.

While no calling cards were left at the scenes of these three incidents, given the policies written for Scientology and given Scientology's history, it is not inconceivable that these were attempts at coercion with regard to the author, or at intimidation with regard to future writers who contemplate Scientology as a topic of discussion. It is important to note that the force of coercion does not necessarily involve the actual fact of direct violence, only the prospect of harm or loss. The former leaves physical evidence of intent, while the latter does not. For more information on the press and public relations of L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, visit

"In raising your child, you must avoid 'training' him into a social animal."
(L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 59)


Scientology: both an interesting movement and an effervescent word that we run into more and more frequently. Most people are relatively unaware of the degree to which membership can affect an individual's personal life, especially with regard to marital relationships.

El Awadalla, a journalist who has had extensive dealings with the theme, and Maria Susanne Klar, an outspoken former member, relate important background and technical information in the introduction to this book. In the second section, Ilse Hruby, a nurse, gives a memorable description of her marital relationship to a Scientologist.

The three authors live and work in Austria. Their experiences and impressions come from their personal attitudes and from events in their own lives. Because of this, their texts contain both a certain singular linguistic nature and a high level of authenticity.

The names in the text designated with an asterisk (*) have been intentionally changed. An explanation for those terms marked by an arrow (→) may be found in the glossary at the end of the book.

Ilse Hruby

My Marriage 
with a

With an Introduction
El Awadalla
Maria Susanne Klar

Gütersloher Verlagshaus

Original printing - Gütersloh: Gütersloher Verl.-Haus, 2000
(Gütersloher Taschenbücher; 1145)
ISBN 3-579-01145-6

(c) Gütersloher Verlagshaus, Gütersloh 2000

This work and all its parts are protected by copyright. Any use outside the confines of the copyright law without permission from the publishers is illicit and subject to prosecution. That especially applies to photocopies, translations, microfilming and the storage or processing in electronic systems.

Permission for this June 2002 CISAR translation, which includes Hubbard's original words from English language sources, was obtained in May 2002. This translation is copyrighted.

(c) Gütersloher Verlagshaus GmbH, Gütersloh



What is Scientology?                                            7

Religion with a copyright                                       8

A Science?                                                     13

Problems of auditing                                           15

A Business Empire?                                             17

The Organization                                               22

Who is a member?                                               25

On the concepts of man and world                               27

Values and ethics in the Scientology performance society       30

In the workplace                                               33

De re publica                                                  35
Notes                                                          40

My Marriage with a Scientologist

Why I wrote this book                                          43

Arranging our acquaintance                                     45

We married in Scientology                                      49

Living and working together                                    52

Scientology training on the weekend                            60

The Scientology managed operation                              68

Scientology calls for consultations                            74

Vacation in America                                            78

The duties of a wife                                           81

Back into professional life                                    86
The friend of my husband                                       88

I learn about the "Science in Scientology"                     96

The financial crisis                                          104

The beginning of the end                                      109

The parting stroke                                            114

Notes                                                         118

Glossary                                                      121

Addresses                                                     127


What is Scientology? [1]

"Scientology is the science of knowing how to know. It has taught us that a man IS his own immortal soul. And it gives us little choice, but to announce to a world, no matter how it receives it, that nuclear physics and religion have joined hands and that we in Scientology perform those miracles for which Man, through all his search, has hoped. The individual may hate God or despise priests. He cannot ignore, however, the evidence that he is his own soul. Thus we have resolved our riddle and found the answer simple." (L. Ron Hubbard, Scientology/ A New Slant on Life, The Church of Scientology of California. 1972.)

The Scientology Church is said to have been founded in the 1950s by the American science fiction author, L. Ron Hubbard. The book upon which the fundamentals of Scientology are based, "Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health," was written in 1950. This is regarded as Year 1 in Scientology's reckoning of time. Today, the spirit of the American business dream is still alive and well in Scientology. When you consider the significance that statistics have for Scientologists, the various vitamins and synthetic proteins that are prescribed for them, and their imagined effects upon individual members, along with many other major and minor indices -- those who read Scientology's literature may well feel as though they have undertaken a trip back through time into the 1950s.

The criticism of Scientology begins with the horrendous fees that a Scientologist has to pay if he wants to progress (and he is obliged to do that); these fees can lead less financially well-off adherents deep into a mountain of debt. Another, more frequent reason for criticism is the practice of →auditing, which forms the main focus of practice and theory in Scientology. Also the fact that Scientology


has progressively established itself in several areas of business (see p. 17) is viewed by many with increasing concern.

And finally the question comes up ever more frequently of what effect upon their later lives will children have who grow up in a Scientology-flavored environment.

So far, so good, but what, really, is Scientology? Is it to be understood as a church and a religion because its efforts have resulted in the status of a recognized religion in several countries? As a "religious philosophy," as maintained in one of its many various definitions of self? Is it a new science, as befits the title of its fundamental book? Or perhaps a form of therapy, corresponding to an image it has projected for years and whose focal point is "auditing"? Or an upcoming business empire, about which an increasing number of critics have warned us in recent times?

We will not and cannot make a decision here; each reader should reach his or her own conclusion from the indices we present in the following and from that which Ilse Hruby then will relate for us.

Religion with a copyright

"Scientology," as will be related by one of the main characters in this book, "is a religion that is struggling in Austria and in various European States"; if civil servants in specific countries warn people about the practice and/or theory of Scientology, they have to count on being accused of disregarding the human right of freedom of religion. The Germany of today, for instance, has been put under pressure at the diplomatic level,


and has been equated in full-page newspaper advertisements to the Third Reich and its persecution of the Jews. Is Scientology therefore actually an (as yet young) religion that is (still) refused acknowledgment by society? Or are the critics right in saying that, in Scientology's case, "religion" is exploited only as a tapestry, behind which things are happening that, if they were to be seen in the light of day, would not at all appear so hospitable and harmless as the group would like to project upon the impartial observer?

In the general spoken and legal sense, religion is inseparably tied to some form of belief in God. Duden, for instance, defines religion as "belief in God or divine being and the cult resulting therefrom."

And here is where you run up against the first difficulty, because Scientology, according to one of its many self-definitions, does not require belief in anyone."[2] This assertion rings true in view of the fact that one may read through Scientology literature by the volume without coming across a mention of a belief in a divine being. Yes, it even turns out that the existence or non-existence of God has no perceptible influence upon its portrayed thought-structures nor upon the policies of conduct that derive from them. While there is indeed a Scientology book of ceremonies in which can be found "rituals" for marriage or baptism, these nevertheless play only a subordinate role - according to our observations - in the daily life of an average Scientologist. These rituals could probably not be regarded as ceremonies that correspond to those in other religions because they do not result from a Scientologist's belief in God. But let's take a quick look at a real example, the wedding ceremony by which Pascal* and Ilse were supposed to have been wed in a Scientology manner. In the "Church of Scientology" book of ceremonies, (which contains 65 out of the thousands and thousands of pages of Scientology literature!),


15 of the pages are dedicated to the wedding ceremony. Contained in these 15 pages, however, are strictly formal aspects of the ceremony, such as the clothing worn by the bride, bridegroom, witnesses and guests, which are laid out in relatively great detail, including a sketch that exactly portrays the formation of participants. On the other hand, God (or anything like a higher being) is not mentioned once. This is most conspicuous in the key part of the ceremony.

It's obvious that, in general, the elements of this ceremony have been taken from others: formalities like costumes and the exchanging of rings. But where you would have expected elements of a specific Scientology belief to exist, there are none. In the wedding ceremony for Scientologists (there is also a ceremony for non-Scientologists), there is indeed one (!) passage that contains a rather high density of Scientology jargon, but even there it is the more general values and ideas that are conveyed, like the value of communication for a happy and enduring relationship, or the symbolic power of the ring.

And Scientology does indeed operate as a very peculiar religion in that it is supposedly permitted in conjunction with any other denomination, meaning that it is compatible with everything and contains no contradiction to other religious beliefs! [3]

But there are other customs in the "Scientology Church" that do not fit so completely into the picture that people have of religion in general. Most religions, for instance, are interested in getting their ideas spread about as widely as quickly as possible. The need to proselytize seems for us to be an essential criterium for true religiosity.


But how would you evaluate the missionary spirit of a group that seeks to monopolize its work with "registered trademarks" and to link the spreading of its message with advance business stipulations? Are these things symptoms of a missionary at work, or of a desire for sheer profit? These endeavors toward worldly wealth are not frowned upon, like they are in Buddhism, with which Scientology so readily compares itself. No, they are even expressly required by the Founder, "Make money, make more money. Make other people produce so as to make money." (→HCOPL 9 Mar 72)

Therefore it's not at all so much of a surprise that services of the "church" (such as the so-called →Purification Rundown [4]) are boosted in a form of product advertisement that emphasizes "worldly" advantages such as allegedly ridding oneself of the ill effects of chemicals and drugs. Even the illustrations in the pamphlets are reminiscent of the offers made by health spas or of associations such as Weight Watchers.

Only in the small(est) print can an indication be found that the "Purification Rundown" is the path of salvation used by the "Scientology religion," but, to our thinking, that is pretentious and unbelievable in comparison to the preceding presentation.

If Scientology were to actually see itself as a religion, then it would definitely have this path to salvation printed in large letters at the beginning of all its publications!

In the spectrum of services offered by this astounding "religion," you will find more things that might not fit so well into the picture as even the Purification Program. →Personality tests, for example, can be found on the inside of almost any illustrated magazine, but in a list of church services? In many places a "Communication Course" may be taken in the scope of continuing education, but we would never have regarded it as a religious practice.


It seems to me as though L. Ron Hubbard's ever-present claim that the use of his technology (what kind of word is that in a religious context?) would have therapeutic effects in the physical or mental sense would be, at best, comparable to the services provided in the health industry (see p. 17 for more).

While there are indeed constant reports in Christian texts about the alleviation of mental or physical suffering, it is clear from them that these cures are not due to the correct application of any sort of method, but due exclusively to the grace of God (a term that we have never found in our perusals of Scientology's literature).

Another self-definition of Scientology is often also used along with its self-assessment as religion: that of philosophy. In Greece, where religious institutions require specific approval, Scientology correspondingly appears as the "Greek Center for Applied Philosophy." If it also claims to be a religion, the question has to be asked if Scientology can be taken seriously, at least as a philosophy. In that case its writing would have to contain theories about the real philosophical topics: questions about the nature of things, about the final meaning ... When you look for the writings having to do with these topics, however, the closest you will be able to find are imaginative tales set in outer space.

While we have not yet even scratched the surface of what exists in this regard, it seems to us it would be more interesting to shed some light upon yet another one of Scientology's understandings of self, which, in our opinion, contradicts its perception of self as religion.


A Science?

Scientology (or "Dianetics," which can be thought of as the source of Scientology) proposes another category of self-definitions in the form of a Science.[5] We cannot conceive, from the way that language is traditionally used, that both science and religion can cohabitate in the same thought structures. We will take a look at a specific example in this regard. To this type of self-presentation would belong, for example, the various means of advertising such as the leaflets that are constantly being left stuck on cars or in front doors. Einstein's well-known silhouette as an eye-catcher on them suggests a close connection to physical science. They promise, based on professional research, an increase in intelligence.[6]

The pamphlets advertising the so-called Purification Rundown also fit into this category. They say, among other things, "What blocks mental alertness? What keeps you from thinking clearly? ... New studies (emphasis ours) have shown ...". And when you take a closer look at the product being advertised from the theoretical aspect, you can see, in all its absurdity, a pseudo-scientific character at best. It says, for instance, that atomic radiation is water-soluble and that it, like water, can be removed. This is the reason given in the "Purification Rundown" (according to the → HCOB) for the lengthy and voluminous amounts of sweat that are assiduously required (it is alleged that this rids a person of the ill effects of radiation and increases resistance to any future exposure).

Can it be therefore be attested that Scientology has a scientific, versus a religious, character, both of which it has so often openly expressed a desire for?

Even if the extraordinary idea is held that these same teachings could simultaneously be both a science and a metascience [7],


various fundamental statements in the founder's policy letters contradict this line of thinking: while science specifically provides for a continual questioning and development of previously gained findings, Scientology expressly dismisses these concepts. →HCOPL 22 Nov 67 [8] directs that any student or course supervisor who interprets, alters or says the →Tech is outdated must be put in the →ethics condition of "enemy" (which is below the condition of "non-existence"); and doubt, the fountain of all research and science, is also regarded a state subordinate to "non-existence."[9]

In the "Code of a Scientologist," people are required "to insist upon standard and unvaried Scientology as an applied activity in ethics ...". (→HCOPL 5 Feb 69) This lack of innovation is supported by claims that can only be interpreted as absolute in nature. It has been asserted that "Man has never before evolved workable mental technology," that mankind's efforts to find another way have led to nothing, that Scientology is the only functioning system that people have, and that the "whole agonized future of this planet, every Man, Woman and Child on it, and your own destiny for the next endless trillions of years depends on what you do here and now with and in Scientology." (→HCOPLs 7 and 14 Feb 65)

In light of these statements, further consideration as to the scientific character can probably be better spent on other matters.

Aside from the discussion of scientific character, though, can the applied procedures derived from these teachings be used sensibly?


Problems of Auditing

Finally, Scientology, in various contexts, constantly makes a determined claim that it affects people in a physically and mentally therapeutic fashion. Dianetics is apparently supposed to be perceived as the practice of a type of alternative medicine [10], and Scientology is supposed to make the entire field of psychiatry superfluous. [11]

The backbone of this therapeutic claim is auditing, in which people, who primarily strive for improvement (called →PCs), are interrogated in detail for hours in one-on-one sessions (including going back into prior lifetimes, if needed). In this way, negative experiences from the person's past (→"engrams"), which can have a negative influence on the individual's determinism, can be located and rendered ineffective by repeatedly "living through" through them again.

The →E-meter, an electronic device that is supposed to work similarly to a lie detector, is very often used for this process. During the session a detailed record is made and filed in the folder of the "customer" together with other written narratives. There are, unfortunately, numerous indications that these records are not always treated confidentially, as is promised in one of the internal codes of conduct. And very personal reports (such as questions about a criminal record, phobias or drug use) are demanded from the →PC, even before the real →auditing begins. (→HCOB 24 Jun 1978)

There are also revealing statements by which the technique itself, which appears to be on the fringes of psychoanalysis, can, unfortunately, not be categorized under "expensive, but harmless."

The auditor, whose training is not comparable to that of any licensed therapist, offers neither


support as to the interpretation of problems, nor sympathy to those seeking help; those are not part of the job. To the contrary, regardless of any breakdown or crisis the →PC is living through, the auditor is supposed to following the prescribed procedure until a precisely defined end goal has been reached. [12] (The ability to do this and other things is cultivated in several of the "Communication course" exercises. [13])

In our opinion, these rigid instructions, combined with the all too imperfect training (which does not include the basics of either therapy or medicine) for the auditor, present a special factor of risk.

The →auditing procedure limits itself to the technique of pure abreaction, and does not consider either the relational aspect of the practice of therapy (the relation between therapist and client), nor the possibility that problems could solidify or even be created by the procedure.

It can be clearly seen from the theory of auditing that the only focus of attention is past negative experiences. From there, troubling incidents are "re-lived" over and over for hours with the client in an extremely suggestive situation. Life before Scientology very rapidly appears to be void and replete with disappointment and unhappiness. That means that auditing - through the auditing of negative "incidents" - can bring about a perceived decrease in self-worth prior to Scientology that would later make a return into "normal" life more difficult.

There is a special problem in this connection with any →auditing that is used when one or more member's of a Scientologist's family are critical of Scientology. There is also auditing for children; there should be a detailed study made of this upon their development,


especially in regards to what further difficulty the next generation might be exposed to if one of their parents (or grandparents) have a critical view of Scientology.

On a completely different level are the problems that could result in the way many Scientologists consume enormous amounts of vitamins. The consumption of these preparations is advocated not only at the unofficial level, but also as part of specific procedures, including the so-called Purification Rundown. [14] (see p. 13)

If physical problems should appear under these circumstances, a visit to the doctor - as would really be anticipated - is not in order, but the person afflicted is encouraged to increase the treatment dosage. [15]

There would still be much room for doubt as to whether it was appropriate for Scientology to make scientific claims, even if the services it provided were effective, or at least not harmful.

A Business Empire?

No other group has connections to money as strong as Scientology's. Hubbard's famous/notorious line, "Make money, make more money. Make other people produce so as to make money." is not just a passing expression, but is regarded as dogma. Centered around money are a number of patent writings. Just as Hubbard has been presented as a genius in many other fields, so also is he held to be a business expert who had an excellent command of the technology (→tech, for short) to manage a company and deliver services to his believers. According to the tech, the Scientology business is organized in the ideal way


The ideal way requires a license issued by WISE (World Institute of Scientology Enterprises), the attainment of which is a costly affair. "Between 9 and 15 percent of gross sales" is the price of such a license, according to former Scientologist Tom Voltz (Scientology und (k)ein Ende, Solothurn 1995; p. 120). The monies flow from WISE in the direction of Scientology. These license fees can eat into the firm's capital, to the point of insolvency. At the same time these transactions mean that the entire customer base contributes to Scientology's income.

The fact that licensees and WISE members who do not toe the line can be expelled from Scientology demonstrates the fusion of WISE with the church. Conversely, the order for an expulsion from WISE could also come from Scientology. "The power of the Sea Organization, the elite division of the Scientology Church, extends very far. They can see to it, for example, that proprietors of companies having a license with WISE are required to hand over their company to others and to distance themselves from their own way of thinking as inferior and not worthy of being disseminated." At least that is what Tom Voltz (p. 134) wrote, who was active in WISE before his departure from Scientology.

WISE's target fields include the following: real estate, computer and software, personnel and management consulting, advertisement, media and the entertainment industry. But social establishments are also interesting to Scientologists. In Germany, more than 150 Scientology companies and about 50 cover organizations and their environments have been identified so far. In Austria, where the following story is set, the situation is no different. Here there exist a good number of relatively small companies that operate according to the Scientology concept.


It is no coincidence that the Austrian establishment of WISE can be found at the same address in Vienna as that of the Business Success consulting company, which also appears as an →FSM (Field Staff Member). This company provides management seminars and consultation, has recently formed a daughter company in Munich, and is highly active in the dissemination of Scientology ideology in the former Eastern Bloc.

Business Success is managed by two WISE Charter Committee members, Gerard Peissl and Franz Wagner. The two have created a very successful business model together. The primary service they offer is, according to their advertising literature, a "wild, uncomplicated sales seminar." It is based on "The Perfect Dissemination Program," a Hubbard scripture, and purports to create the best possible salespeople.

The WISE Charter Committee has its own jurisdiction; its operating area extends far beyond that of the usual association arbitration committees. The detailed charter contains mostly points as to dispute arbitration, but also provides for the option of tapping the personal fortune of its members. This corresponds to the reality of the situation, too, in that WISE Charter Committee staff engage themselves as liaison between individual members into the late hours of the night.

In Scientology managed operations, statistics enjoy nothing short of cultic veneration. Week after week the statistics of success must be produced that show everything in the most minute detail, down to the number of letters sent out. The worst thing that can happen is a drop in statistics. If this week, for instance, fewer letters were written as the week prior - for whatever reason - then steps must be taken to counter this condition.

In the Scientology logic of how money should be "made," certain operating systems enjoy preference.


The top systems in this category are the franchise system and structured distribution, or multi-level marketing (MLM).

In the German-speaking market there are currently between 500 and 600 franchise systems. About half of these are organized into associations that make an attempt to separate the professional from the unprofessional franchisers. This is because there are a large number of franchise systems that offer extremely obscure goods or services. Franchising exists in many different industries, from restaurant chains to the building market and from music schools to construction operations. An EU regulation describes exactly what a franchise association is. Much of what is transacted under this name does not come under this description, but is more of a broker agreement or an agent contract.

In →franchising, partners who are legally and financially self-contained work very closely together in various stages of business, and present themselves under a common, recognized symbol. The party that accepts the franchise operates in his own name, is responsible for keeping his own books, and basically concentrates on sales and on management of the operation. The party that offers the franchise provides common advertising, monitors the sales of its partners' operations, and decides what is necessary for the identity, recognition and functionality of the system.

Most franchise providers require an initial fee for training, ownership rights and know-how, and an ongoing fee for advertisement and other services which, as a rule, runs several percent of monthly sales.

In franchising, Scientologists look very favorably upon the concept of training as a component of the franchise performance package. This is a factor even in the selection of franchisers, and goes from initial training and continuation courses up to expert training and special education. In franchising, training is a constant requirement for both franchisers and their providers.


It has to be a permanent thing to guarantee the standard strived for by all franchisers. The idea of continual training is nothing new for Scientologists; they are as good as always "on course" to improve themselves. More than that, recruitment of new members is second nature for a Scientologist, and franchising can provide opportunities for that activity.

MLM sets itself apart from other systems in that goods and services are sold at the seller's own risk, i.e., independently. At the same time, new "customer consultants" are constantly being recruited, as their sales are shared by the recruiter. Namely, the new recruits have to give a percentage of their sales to their recruiters, who then have to give a commission to their recruiters, similar to the illicit pyramid schemes. The difference between the two is the presence of a "product" up front. There were an extraordinary number of Scientologists in the European King's Club, a pyramid scheme, and most of them held high level positions in corporations. It should have been clear to these people, among which were business consultants, that dividends of over 70 percent in several months was not an aboveboard offer.

Of course, the company headquarters also receives money for "administration expenses" or for the "product." As a result, the entire pie is not left to the hopeful investors to split among themselves. The number of "consultants" increases layer upon layer until no more can be found and the system collapses. It can be safely said the the initiators, and perhaps some of the first recruiters, have made a profit. All the others walk away empty-handed.


With some MLMs, such as "Die Chance zum Erfolg" ("The chance to success"), the products are entirely coincidental. Those who come across "Die Chance zum Erfolg" and who order its informational material receive for about 33 euros a couple of photocopied pages, a glossy brochure, and audio and video cassettes from which nothing can be learned about the product. It does become clear, however, that the sale of informational material brings in the greater profit.

The Organization

Scientology's organization is built across many levels in a strong hierarchy. Ascension in the ranks is possible in two ways: through the course system and through high contributions declared as donations.


Another ranking system can be made out in the positions that people hold in the →Org, whereby the Orgs themselves may exist on various levels - extremely confusing to outsiders. In addition are the "Celebrity Centers" and "missions," not all of which have the same ranking. Therefore, the words "high-ranking Scientologist" can mean different things.

There are a good many departments in the Orgs, above which stands, as a rule, the Office for Special Affairs (OSA), Scientology's intelligence service. The press spokespeople are also usually OSA officers. The predilection for military ranks and uniforms, strongly reminiscent of the Navy, are probably a product of Hubbard's (partially fabricated) biography. Besides OSA there are departments for public relations, for courses, for →ethics, etc. All Orgs are structured according to the same schematic.

Some of the staff members, as they are called, have very imaginative titles, from registrar and recruiter to course supervisor. Often these people are only members with a minimum of training and experience, as has been revealed by former members.

The confusing use of words in the function of the Vienna →Org, for example, is very obvious.

Besides the real "Scientology Church" there are a great number of organizations for each area of social life: Criminon for resocializing criminals, Narconon for the fight against drugs, ABLE for education, WISE for business, CCHR or KVPM as a "martial instrument" against psychiatry and many more. They are all, however, dedicated primarily to the recruitment of members for Scientology itself.

The courses offered range from the simple, cheap and introductory, such as the well-known Communication Course, affordable to anyone,


up to expensive specialist courses in East Grinstead, England and Copenhagen, the European headquarters, and the even more expensive courses in "Flag" in Clearwater, Florida, or on the legendary Scientology ship. Former Scientologists have reported they spent a thousand dollars a day for some of these privileges.

One who joins Scientology is called a "pre-clear." As such, the first goal is to become →clear, which means to become recognized for the first time as a person who is generally aware. After that come the OT steps. →OT stand for Operating Thetan (corresponding to the belief that Thetans are disembodied spiritual soul beings). OTs, in turn, are categorized into various steps, from OT1 to OT10. The highest step that has been reached to date, however, is OT8. This hierarchy shows similarities to that of the O.T.O. (Ordo Templi Orientis) of Satanist Aleister Crowley, in which it is documented that Hubbard was active. An OT is alleged to be able to do the most unbelievable things, such as "freezing" time, flying, telepathically influencing other people, changing the weather and space travel, as Hubbard alleged he did himself. However, not a one of these abilities may be demonstrated, as they are secret. Also the "knowledge" that is imparted in the extremely expensive OT courses is kept a secret from the OTs ascending from the lower steps, although it is widely available on the Internet. Nevertheless Scientologists are strongly encouraged to believe that they could fall into the deepest desperation should they not follow the proper course sequence. Approximately parallel to this hierarchy of steps are the auditors, for whom a special course system exists. There is a nebulous connection between the ranks of auditor and those of "clergy."

There is another hierarchy for "War Chest" donors. The first step is Patron, one who has donated at least 40,000 dollars to the International Association of Scientologists (IAS).


The next step of honor, Senior, costs 100,000 dollars, and the Patron Meritorious can be had for 250,000 dollars. In the 1994 issue of "Impact," the IAS magazine, 221 patrons from Germany, 31 from Austria and 153 from Switzerland were listed by name. The IAS used the money from the War Chest on, for example, publications for the CCHR (Citizens Commission on Human Rights), also called the KVPM (Kommission für Verstöße der Psychiatrie gegen Menschenrechte.)

The omnipresent report system yields extensive information about any person in the general vicinity of Scientology. In the ideal situation, these reports (ethics reports, knowledge reports, Overt/Withhold reports, etc.) are continually being forwarded to the next highest authority.

Who is a member?

Scientology's membership is not measured according to the usual criteria. Incumbent members are those in the IAS. Usually they have had the initial courses that are provided cheaper for members. Now as to whether someone is also a member of a local association, as they exist in many states, or of the local →Org, that is of secondary importance.

For those not well-acquainted with this system, strange situations may arise as a result of it. Various political parties in Germany and Austria, for instance, have adapted measures into their statutes that declare membership in their party incompatible with membership in Scientology. But what sort of Scientology membership do they mean?

Again and again it happens that people get testimony to say they are not members. This can be done in good conscience by the local Org (quite apart from the Scientology concept that non-Scientologists may be lied to at any time)


and that includes verification that IAS members are not in Scientology.

It is in this setting that the many diverse statements of numbers of Scientology members occur. It goes up or down according to need. You can draw upon various types of membership, and for this reason Germany's membership figures can vary widely. One time only an →Org is meant, the next time a region; one time one type of membership, the next time another type. Austria may be taken at a glance for an example of how the numbers can be juggled. In 1994, Scientology gave its membership here as about 7,000 members, with an alleged worldwide figure of about eight million. If one is to believe Scientology, the membership vacillated even more; figures in excess of 30,000 were also mentioned. These numbers seem to have been greatly exaggerated, which appears to be confirmed by the IAS magazine that stated it had only a little over 100,000 members worldwide. In the meantime, press spokesman Böck has repeatedly maintained that there are 2,000 members in Austria, the smaller number apparently more advantageous in an era in which Scientology has been regarded as dangerous. The number of adherents worldwide may not be, in fact, more than 100,000, as long as those who have only ever taken one course and former members are not counted. It can also be said that a membership lasts a billion years and that requests to leave are not accepted. That means that whoever has taken even one course in Scientology will, for all time, exist as a card in the membership files. Evidence of this is given in the fact that people who told Scientology they left twenty years ago are still receiving its mass mailings. The only exceptions to this are those who have been "declared" as "enemies."


On the concepts of man and world

Looking at the theory behind so-called →engrams et al., it is not difficult to determine that the base root of the concepts of man and world propagated by Scientology lies in the early days of the last century. Hubbard found simple explanations for complex phenomena [16] using a one-dimensional cause/effect model. For instance, he explained that the primary reason for irrational conduct, or for other human (re)actions he thought were wrong, was a simple stimulus-response sequence (Hubbard used that phrase rather often) of a Pavlovian nature. Pavlov's dog began to salivate when a bell was rung because a prior association between food and bell-ringing had been made. With Hubbard, a soft clink (such as that made by a surgical instrument) could bring on a pain in the chest, because a prior association had been made between the two on the operating table.[17]Hubbard described this mechanism as a "wrong computation." The fact that physical and psychic disorders may have their causes [18] in "conventional" roots, such as inheritance, is not taken into consideration.

Hubbard's jargon is derived from technical language, including that of computers. With regard to psychic disorders he refers to "charge," "short circuits," "locked in," and "keyed out." And like a technician uses a gauge to seek out defects in conductivity or resistance, the "auditor" uses his →e-meter to track down the →engrams that prevent people from functioning "correctly." With this device, according to the theory, the mental state and changes in an individual's state can be measured (DSTD [19] p. 26).


Scientology's image of humanity is demonstrated quite clearly in its definition of "Wog" (one of the terms for non-Scientologists), which is defined as a "common, ... mass-produced humanoid." (DSTD p. 112) Hubbard's idea of an ideal person is one who acts fairly predictably (due to perfect logic), who has access to his entire "data bank" at any time, has photographic recall, and who is never sick nor can make mistakes (see Dianetics p. 9).

The entirety of the so-called →Tech serves to bring people as close to this goal as possible.

As early as the Communication Course, the student is trained to show no emotion. The whole purpose of one exercise is to is to observe everything the trainer says or does with complete passivity, (and this does not mean just external appearances!) As well as this training might initially relieve the rigors of daily life for some, the impact upon one's life of performing this exercise on a routine basis can not be easily fathomed. (Scientologists do these drill over and over, sometimes several times a day.)

And a special type of →auditing that is usually used in the very beginning concerns a drill that can last for hours, in which the person being audited performs actions, without hesitation, on instruction from the auditor, e.g., "Give me you hand!" Here people react as robots with push-button precision. For things that cannot be measured or standardized according to public perception, Scientology uses scales of a carefully delineated hierarchies. They include the →emotional tone scale, as well as the above mentioned Scientology →ethics system, which employs pre-determined "formulas" (that's really what they are called) whereby a person may proceed from one ethics condition to the next higher.


The world in which Scientologists live is apparently more like a dangerous jungle than it is any civilization in which we think we live:

"It's a tough universe. ... But only the tigers survive - and even they have a hard time." (→HCOPL 7 February 1965) What good luck that Hubbard left a thick book for his adherents on the "Science of Survival"!

It is indeed no surprise that our world is so hard and gruesome. After, as Hubbard has explained in texts including the →OT3 step to awareness (normally attained only have a rather long time in Scientology), human life on our planet goes back to an unimaginable atrocity that occurred millions of years ago. Xenu, overlord of a planetary federation, did it to control overpopulation. To this end he enlisted psychiatrists to freeze billions of citizens and bring them to Earth. At 76 different sites, 178 billion of these deep-frozen people were deposited in volcanoes where they were then killed with hydrogen bombs. Their confused souls (called "Thetans" in Scientology), thus released, were caught in electronic traps and implanted with misleading information to "short-circuit" them. All of which we are still suffering from today! This story makes it clear why it is emphasized in the Creed: "We of the Church believe that Man is basically good; That he is seeking to survive" and "that all men have inalienable rights to their own defense."

And what is the most effective defense? "The only way to defend anything is to ATTACK, and if you ever forget that then you will lose every battle you are ever in engaged in..". (The Scientologist: A Manual on the Dissemination of Material, circa mid-March, 1955, L. Ron Hubbard)


Seen this way, the value system described in the following is logically explainable.

Values and ethics in the Scientology performance society

For some, it may not at first be obvious because of the similarities we are all too familiar with from our day-to-day environment. One of the leading characteristics of Scientology is the principle of performance, but carried out to the absurd. Scientologists must use statistics to document their ever increasing performance. In this respect, when one day's statistics are the same as the day prior, this is regarded as a "down statistic." The goal is to constantly increase their statistics. The fact that this is sometime impossible for purely rational reasons, however, seems to be clear to only a few Scientologists. Included in this is that only a quantitative increase counts; a qualitative increase is not allowed for.

How important it is for Scientologists to meet this requirement for ever rising statistics is shown by another fact, that is, the curve of the graph serves as an indicator for the Scientologist's so-called →ethics condition (as does also the business, institution or division).

The terminology alone gives one an inkling that, in Scientology, ethics does not mean the same thing it does in everyday speech. In Scientology, ethics means "reason and the contemplation of optimum survival." (DSTD, p. 29) In the Scientology sense it is ethical to eliminate anything that targets Scientology or anything that oriented to something other than the teachings of Hubbard. [20]


Naturally, then, "The criminal abhors daylight. And we are the daylight. Now get this as a technical fact, not a hopeful idea." (→HCOPL 5 November 1967) Seen this way, the much cited recommendations for how to deal with critics and "enemies" are probably also categorized as ethical in the Scientology sense, even when their injury or deaths are included. [21] How this is to be legally evaluated still has to be explained.

Some people are automatic "enemies" by sole reason of their profession. And the guiltiest of them all are the psychiatrists. Keeping in mind everything that's been described so far, you probably don't even have to look at Hubbard's biography to explain this. In any case, the psychiatrist as the image of an enemy is "tenderly" nurtured and cultivated again and again throughout Scientology literature.

But if one day a person can no longer live up to his assigned schedule, then there is no longer a place for him in the Scientology "world without war, mental illness ...". [22] Scientology clearly has no intention of burdening itself with people who are on the last leg of their ability to perform. Those who produce too little are said to have caused their own undoing [23] through misconduct, even to the point of having basic human rights revoked. "We would rather have you dead than incapable." (→HCOPL 7 February 1965)

Scientology apparently does not want anything to do with people who, by virtue of their age, health, or other reasons over which they have no control, live on the fringes of society. Hubbard wrote that the welfare state could be defined as a state in which non-production is rewarded at the cost of production (→HCOPL 6 March 1966). And explanations such as the following are not uncommon:


If the average citizen takes into account what he pays the government, he will find that his visit to the doctor is very expensive. The only one who has a use for this is the chronically ill person whose condition is paid for by the healthy. He is rewarded with care that is paid for by punishing the healthy. (→HCOPL 6 March 1966) [24]

According to L. Ron Hubbard, even Holocaust victims are themselves to blame, entirely in the classical sense, when he wrote that, in the mature stages of his life, he "found out that only those who sought only peace were ever butchered. The thousands of years of Jewish passivity earned them nothing but slaughter". (HCOPL 7 Dec 1969 )

So money and power, along with performance and ability, are the values important to Scientologists, or at least are supposed to be important. By using the many scales and other things in Scientology, it is easy to recognize what is looked down upon:

Sacrifice (-6.0 on the →emotional tone scale, ranges from -40 to +40), protecting bodies (-2.2 of the above), making amends (0.375), sympathy (0.9), fear (1.0), pain (1.8). In any case, Hubbard makes it clear how to deal with people who are afraid, are sympathetic, or are prepared to make sacrifices:

"There are only two answers for the handling of people from 2.0 down on the tone scale, neither of which has anything to do with reasoning with them or listening to their justification of their acts. [...] The other is to dispose of them quietly and without sorrow. Adders are safe bedmates compared to people on the lower bands of the tone scale. (L. Ron Hubbard, The Science of Survival, part 1, p. 157)

Between that and the sentence from the Code of Honor, "Never fear to hurt another in a just cause," it's enough to make a person's flesh crawl!


In the workplace

Work is an essential element for the active member. There is always something to do in an →Org; the hours are long and work leads to success. Not all work promises success, however, only that organized in the Scientology manner.

Work also poses a special importance in the work place for Scientologists, the most basic of which is control over one and all. In Scientology, control is to be understood in the literal sense, as used by a totalitarian regime. Hubbard dedicated an entire book to work: "The Problems of Work" (Los Angeles, 1975). Scientology, according to Hubbard, assists "the worker and the executive in helping Man to be more competent and more able, less tired and more secure in the work-a-day world." (The Problems of Work, Introduction)

Scientology is particularly proud of having been able to penetrate many large corporations with the help of its management consultation. For employment they have their own company, called "U-Man International." Much more well known are the Scientology management consulting businesses, such as the "Business Success" company, which has expanded from Austria into Germany. Among many other seminars, they offer "The unbelievable sales seminar." The course texts used by Business Success contain the line "Copyright by L. Ron Hubbard."

The business consulting is strongly patterned after Hubbard's writings and is regarded by serious business consultants as completely outdated and rooted in the thinking that was prevalent immediately after WWII. The orientation towards almost purely quantitative statistics, for instance, is looked upon as meaningless. The statistics have to be produced according to a rigidly predetermined scheme, not even a deviation in format is permitted. According to Hubbard, the flow of work is stereotypical and unchangeable.


On the left side of every desk are three baskets: incoming, outgoing and in process. As exists in all other areas, there is also a carefully scrutinized internal report system.

In 1994 Business Success presented itself, using the usual awkward Scientology-German, in the "Europa News," a monthly magazine for WISE members, as follows: "Business Success in Vienna, Austria, is a consulting group, which specializes in the dissemination of LRH management technology through sales seminars, management basics seminars and communications seminars. In recent years, the group has become one of the fastest expanding consulting groups in Europe. The group consists of 43 staff members and 12 branches all across Europe. The firm is directed by Gerard Peissl and Franz Wagner, two WISE Charter Committee members. The two of them have created a very successful operations model together. The main service they provide is a wild, uncomplicated sales seminar. In fact, this seminar has become so well-known that it has become one of their trademarks. The entire thing is founded on LRH's "The Perfect Dissemination Program." They have turned into vendors, and through mouth-to-mouth communication on their communication lines, they have created a gigantic demand for this seminar.[25]

Like Scientology, Business Success also arranges its courses so that they get progressively more expensive and promise more and more success. One of the topics in the sales seminar is how to handle staff you don't like. Seminar participants learn how to deliberately give people more work than they can do, how to isolate information from them, and how to make the operation repugnant to them. [26]


One of the most piquant things is that this seminar from Business Success has been subsidized with taxpayer money. A third of the seminar fees have to be paid by the participants, another third came from the Austrian labor market service, and the final third from project "Ziel 4" of the European Union's welfare fund. [27] Such an arrangement would, in all probability, be impossible in Germany, as the German public awareness of Scientology is far more critically minded.

There are actually people who are convinced they have improved their sales through the seminar, and who enthusiastically convey the Scientology understanding of "ethics" in sales.

De re publica

"Perhaps at some distant date only the unaberrated person will be granted civil rights before law. Perhaps the goal will be reached at some future time when only the unaberrated person can attain to and benefit from citizenship. These are desirable goals ..." (Dianetics, p. 493) "Someday there will, perhaps, exist a much more sentient law that only the unaberrated can marry and bear children." (ibid, p. 376)

What sort of state wants to establish a new type of caste system? Can we guess what any Scientology state that strove for these "desirable goals" would look like?

One thing can be said with a certain degree of probability: it would not be a democracy as we know it or as it presently operates in the western world. That is because a democracy, to Hubbard, is not a right worthy of protection, but a constant annoyance.


"A totally democratic organization has a bad name in Dianetics and Scientology ..." (→HCOPL 2 Nov 1970) After all, Hubbard did not "see that popular measures, self-abnegation and democracy have done anything for Man but push him further into the mud. ... and democracy has given us inflation and income tax." (→HCOPL 7 Feb 1965) "Democracies hate brains and skill. Don't get in that rut. (→HCOPL 2 Nov 1970)

So democracy does not enjoy a particularly good name in Scientology. It is very likely that resources will have to be used against this community that we had hoped could have stayed buried in deep storage. The organization of the "Scientology Church" gives us a clue: namely, they maintain a complex reporting system there. The first experiences the newcomer has with this are thoroughly positive (even if the intensity is possibly alien). But from the first course onward, people are continually encouraged (or obliged) to write everything up, what you find new and exciting, what has been experienced or learned. These reports are collected in the file of the respective people. Just as are those reports that are written on him when he is suspected of not following policy. Every Scientologist is required in every instance to submit a written report when he comes across something that is not the way it should be. These then set off the sequence of actions required by these policies (see International Scientology News 11/1999).

Neither can there be any doubt that Scientology also has political aspirations of control:


"And in the Central Organization - just looking a bit further ahead than that - there'll be a political officer. You want to know what happens when you clear everybody in that neighbourhood, the only thing that center can become used for is a political center. Because by the time you've done all this, you are the government ..." is what Hubbard said in a lecture on 9 January 1962, Future Org Trends, (cited from "Scientology or Democracy" by Tom Voltz.)

"The reason a democracy or any wide open group caves in lies in its extending its privileges of membership to those who seek to destroy it." (→HCOPL 17 Mar 1965)

Is it far-fetched to read from these statements that Scientology is presuming the right of every citizen and every group that are (still) in our society to destroy this society? In lieu of the fact that Scientologists view a discussion about their convictions to be an encroachment upon the right of freedom of religion (see the attempt to discredit Germany for discrimination against a religious minority), the fact that they advocate revocation of rights for those who practice sympathy (see p. 32) paints a peculiar picture.

It practically goes without saying that Scientologists appear to not feel any obligation towards the communities in which they presently live. Hubbard wrote that "Scientology is for a free people and is itself on this date declared free of any political connection or allegiance of any kind whatever." (→HCOPL 10 Jan 1968)

The Scientology state, therefore, would hardly be a democratic one as we know it; it would not provide for a social net for those who cannot take care of themselves. If Scientology "remains true to its own goals"[28] then it would likely also disregard basic human rights.


"The SO [Scientology organization] writings give an indication of the lack of rights projected for persons who deviate from the Scientology images of humanity and society. It can remain open as to whether →aberrated people, "criminals" or both categories of people are meant by this. To the degree that "aberrated" people have their rights revoked per the cited texts, the goals stated are incompatible with Art. 1, sect. 1 and Art. 3 sect. 1 of Basic Law. According to this image of humanity and society, individuals will be deprived of their human rights and dignity. In a Scientology state or social system, a self-determined lifestyle would therefore no longer be possible; democratic rights of freedom would no longer be applicable," according to a brochure from that Bavarian Ministry of the Interior ("Scientology - eine verfassungsfeindliche Bestrebung" [29]).

Probably the entire legal system would experience an grievous deformation, because Scientology believes that honest people have rights and that dishonest people, by virtue of their dishonesty, have given up their rights (see HCOPL 15 Oct 1985 et al.) Outside of the basic ones, these rights are particularly important, even if a determination has not been made about a person's honesty or dishonesty!

And even the criminals are different. In Scientology, "crimes" include: "inciting to insubordination," "refusal to accept penalties" from Scientology, and "holding Scientology materials or policies up to ridicule, contempt or scorn." "High crimes" include: "publicly departing Scientology" and "testifying hostilely before state or public inquiries into Scientology" (see Introduction to Scientology Ethics).


Deeds which we regard as felonies are obviously not so bad for Scientologists: "In short a staff member can get away with murder as long as his statistic is up." (àHCOPl 25.5.1982)

Under these circumstances, having the Scientology justice system applied to society almost sounds like a threat. [30]

The degree to which Scientologists are held to the existing legal system can be clearly seen from the following: "Don't react to Scientology justice as though it were wog law. ... Wog courts are like throwing dice." (→HCOPL 27 March 1965)

That justice system is supported by the incessant "security checks." Over and over Scientologists must not only affirm on the →e-meter that they are neither secret agents nor journalists, they must also provide information about those who they meet.

There is even one of these security checks for children which asks, "What has someone told you not to tell?" and "Have you ever done something to your body that you shouldn't have?"

There is much more to tell, but we will leave the Utopia of a Scientology state for now. What's happening here today is interesting enough!



[1] Title of one of the Scientology Organization's introductory books.

[2] "It [Scientology] is a practical religion for all denominations, and doesn't require faith in anybody until they have experienced something to have faith about." (Technical Volumes, Vol. 2, p. 266: PAB 16 September 1955)

[3] There is not room here to document that, all initial assertions to the contrary, Scientology's teachings are not at all compatible with Christian values, but those who read the book will have a well-founded opinion.

[4] "The Purification Rundown is a tightly supervised regimen of exercise, sauna, nutrition [... resulting] in the elimination of drug residues and other toxins from the body's fatty tissues."

[5] "Dianetics is a science; as such, it has no opinion about religion, [emphasis by author] for sciences are based on natural laws, not on opinions." (Technical Bulletins, Volume 1, p. 38)

[6] [from the German] " L. Ron Hubbard has not only proved in his research that Einstein was right in his statement (We use only 10% of our mental potential), but, much more important, he showed in his book, 'Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health' how one can access the slumbering 90%. ... See for yourself how the application of DIANETICS technology (!) can raise intelligence."

[7] "Scientology is that branch of psychology which treats human ability." (Technical Bulletins, Vol. 2, p. 405: PAB of 1 May 1956) "Scientology is the science of knowing how to know. Scientology is the science of knowing sciences." (Scientology 8-8008, p. 11)

[8] Also see "Keeping Scientology Working" (→HCOPL 7 Feb 1965) and "Safeguarding Technology" (→HCOPL 14 Feb 1965)

[9] In the world of Scientologists there are a whole series of scales and graduated steps, one set of which are the so-called "ethics conditions," which range from "confusion" to "power." See p. 32 for a few details.

[10] "Dianetics addresses the body. Thus Dianetics is used to knock out and erase illnesses, unwanted sensations, misemotion, somatics, pain, etc." ([from the German] Dianetics and Scientology Technical Dictionary)

[11] "What? That means we've cracked insanity itself? That's right. And it's given us the key to the Suppressive Person and his or her effect on the environment. This is the multitude of "types" of insanity of the 19th century psychiatrist. All in one. Schizophrenia, paranoia, fancy names galore. Only one other type exists -- the person the Suppressive Person got "at". This is the 'manic-depressive' ..." (→HCOPL 5 April 1965)


[12] Auditor's Code: "Do not sympathize with the preclear." I promise to run every major case action to a floating needle. (a certain e-meter read)

[13] The most common introductory course in which the "confidence" is taught by which a question can be asked and answered to everyone's apparent satisfaction even though one was not in a position to answer it. (L. Ron Hubbard, The Success through Communication Course, Copenhagen 1988, p. 56)

[14] The dose of vitamins are to be gradually increased over the length of the course to these maximum dosages: vitamin A up to 50,000 IUs, D to 2,000 IU, vitamin C 5 - 6g, vitamin E to 2,400 IU, vitamin B1 800-1,300 mg, niacin 3,500 - 5,000 mg. (→HCOB 14 Feb 1980, p. 4) Comparing the recommended daily dose of vitamins for adults (taken from Pschyrembel clinical dictionary), de Gruyter edition, page: 1,643): vitamin A 5,000-8,000 IU, D 00.1, E 30, B1 1.5, B2 1.6-2, NIACIN 18-20, c 40-60.

[15] "So, if a person can turn on skin cancer with this and if that should happen if niacin is continued, the skin cancer has run out completely. Other things that may turn on are hives, flu-symptoms, gastroenteritis, aching bones, upset stomach or a fearful or terrified condition. There seems to be no limit to the variety of phenomena that may occur with niacin. ... The two vital and proven facts here are: When the niacin was carried on until these things discharged they did run out, as they will do ... it is a matter of record that what turns on will turn it off where niacin is concerned." It continues to say that the important thing is that the rest of the vitamins are proportionately increased so that no deficiency symptoms arise. (→HCOB 6 Feb 1978, rev. 24 Apr 1983, re-issued 31 July 1985, p. 14)

[16] Another example for this: "The only reason a person gives up study or becomes confused or unable to learn is that he or she has gone past a word or phrase that was not understood." (Dianetics p. 6) "It's not a misunderstood phrase or idea or concept, but a misunderstood WORD" (Basic Study Manual, p. 153, emphasis as in the original.)

[17] see Dianetics p. 92

[18] Denomination of faith: psychosomatic.

[19] DSTD: Dianetics and Scientology Technical Dictionary [German edition]

[20] The purpose of ethics "is to remove counter-intentions from the environment and having accomplished that, the purpose becomes to remove other-intentionness from the environment." Counter-intention: decision to follow a goal that is contrary to the group's goals. Other-intention: state of mind in which one wants to following other than group goals. (→HCOPL 18 June 1968)


[21] "Deliver an effective blow to the enemies of the group ..."This could mean "the dull thud of one of his enemies in the dark, or the glorious blaze of the whole enemy camp as a birthday surprise." (→HCOPL 6 Oct 1967) A person who has been assigned the ethics condition of "enemy" is fair game. Fair Game is someone who "may be deprived of property or injured by any means by any Scientologist without any discipline of the Scientologist. May be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed." (→18 Oct 1967)
"If attacked on some vulnerable point by anyone or anything or any organization, always find or manufacture enough threat against them to cause them to sue for peace. Peace is bought with an exchange of advantage, so make the advantage and then settle. Don't ever defend. Always attack. Don't ever do nothing. Unexpected attacks in the rear of the enemy's front ranks work best." (HCOPL 15 Aug 1960, "Department of Governmental Affairs")

[22] "So don't even consider someone with a steadily down statistic as part of the team." (→HCOPL 6 March 1966) Along these lines, →HCOPL 7 Dec 69 also says that there is no acceptable reason for excusing lower statistics as an alternative to producing higher statistics.

[23] →HCOPL 30 July 70 says that a person with poor or lower statistics on post always has an overt (misdemeanor or crime) of one kind or another.

[24] Naturally Hubbard is referring here to the American welfare system which is organized according to the insurance principle, but still!

[25] Europa News. The monthly magazine for WISE members (15 Nov 94)

[26] original available to author

[27] Falter 44 (1997)

[28] Code of Honor of a Scientologist

[29] Bayern Staatsministerium des Innern pamphlet entitled:
"Scientology - eine verfassungsfeindliche Bestrebung"

2.3.4 Bewertung der Aussagen zur Einführung eines scientologisch bestimmten Rechtssystems

Die Schriften der SO deuten auf eine von ihr angestrebte Rechtlosigkeit von Personen, die vom scientologischen Menschen- und Gesellschaftsbild abweichen. Es kann dahinstehen, ob damit „Straftäter", „Aberrierte" oder beide Personengruppen gemeint sind. In der Absolutheit, mit der den „Aberrierten" in den zitierten Textstellen ihre Rechte abgesprochen werden, sind die formulierten Ziele mit Art. 1 Abs.1 und Art. 3 Abs.1 GG unvereinbar. Nach diesem Menschen- und Gesellschaftsbild werden dem einzelnen seine Menschenwürde und seine Menschenrechte genommen. In einer scientologischen Staats- und Gesellschaftsordnung wäre daher kein selbstbestimmtes Leben mehr möglich; die demokratischen Freiheitsrechte hätten keine Geltung mehr.

[30] In →HCOPL 25 May 1982 Hubbard wrote that once Scientology had a first-class legal code and justice system that gives people true justice, Scientology would rapidly inundate society and everybody would win. He also wrote that where Scientology failed to apply its own management, technology and legal systems upon society (not to mention Scientology), then it would fail.


My Marriage with a Scientologist

Why I wrote this book

There were many reasons to write this book, and yet there was really only one: Scientology. The experiences of my almost four years of marriage, living together with a Scientologist, the effect of Scientology on my life, knowledge of the machinations surrounding the totalitarian ideology, along with the absolute struggle for power of this undemocratic association that likes to portray itself as a church, have moved me to walk a difficult and uneasy path, the path of the public eye.

This is my report on my personal experiences with Scientology; this is the report about all the heartbreak Scientology caused me.

On Monday, April 12, 1999, I did not get divorced from my husband; I got divorced from the Scientology cult. The marriage of Ilse and Pascal* had been destroyed by Scientology and its henchmen.

I married out of love, and I had the dream of a happy marriage. I was ready to fight for this dream. I didn't know back then and I was not ready by far to admit that I had the nightmare of Scientology as an overwhelming opponent. Trusting in the power of love and confident of the strength of my own will, I began a battle of unknown dimension that I was to carry on for almost four years, the outcome of which was doomed to failure from the start. Today I have the depressing knowledge that a solitary person is not in the position to win the fight against Scientology with its undemocratic rules of play. Hubbard wrote that humans, as spiritual beings, love games. Scientology determines in advance who the winners and losers of such games are to be.


"Life can best be understood by likening it to a game. Since we are exterior to a great number of games, we can regard them with a detached eye. [...] Despite the amount of suffering, pain, misery, sorrow and travail which can exist in life, the reason for existence is the same reason as one has to play a game -- interest, contest, activity and possession. The truth of this assertion is established by an observation of the elements of games and then applying these elements to life itself." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 37)

It is time for people to stand up in multitude and either defend themselves or provide the courage and strength to support those who do.

Is the future of our progeny to be that only conformists have any say-so? Should we allow ruthless measures to be taken against those who do not think in the fashion prescribed by Scientology? Should the next generation be made "happy" with indoctrination? Should all values that are important to people today, like freedom, democracy, trust, love, friends and family, be put out of commission? Should our children and our children's children have to look in a dictionary when they are searching for the meaning of these words because nobody can explain it for them? Should a generation of remote-controlled ignoramuses govern this world? Should we allow our lives and the lives of those who will come after us to be controlled by undemocratic organizations, to be monitored down to even the most intimate details?

One of our options is to clearly say "no." Perhaps we can show more responsibility for our children than we had imagined we could. It takes more than just putting on a concerned face.


Arranging our acquaintance

Our relationship began at a time when I thought I'd never have a man at my side again, much less be married.

It was the summer of 1995 -- I had just finished up a five-year contract of employment, topping off 16 years of my career as an operating room nurse. I was looking for something new and meaningful and that paid accordingly. A fellow professional recommended Sigrid S. and told me she had a kind of nurses agency. [1] I would be able to look around and see what they had that would interest me outside the four walls of an operating room. I contacted them right away, and after having met the secretary and after a few calls with Mrs. S. herself, during which we found out that we knew each other from fifteen years before on the job, I got a position in the nurses agency office in scheduling. I made duty rosters for hospitals who had too few house staff and had to fill slots with agency personnel.

Mrs. S., Siggy to me, introduced me to her neighbor and best friend Margit M. The families worked and lived in the same building. Siggy's nurses agency was accommodated in a large area of a wonderful historical building together with Hannes M's graphic arts studio. A smaller space was leased as an apartment to a couple who, day in and day out, weren't there, didn't cook, and didn't own that much. This was funny because they had been living there for some time. Every morning they left the studio before nine dressed in blue uniforms. At first I thought they worked as security guards.


Siggy told me they worked in an office on Schottenfeld alley where people had to wear those kind of clothes.

It was not until much later that I became acquainted with the both of them in their positions as managers in the Scientology →Org in Vienna [2], but that was not to happen for a while. The only thing that struck me as peculiar about them then was their funny jargon in which they seemed very fluent. Everybody appeared to get along well with everybody else.

Siggy's office personnel were allowed joint use of the studio kitchen. Everybody knew each other and were friendly and polite to each other. In the mornings we treated ourselves to breakfast, during which people sometimes talked about themselves. Back then I was duly impressed with how simply solutions were to found for one problem after the next.

Margit ran a kind of weight-loss studio, which I was to get to know better later on. All of my new friends were very understanding of me. Hannes' work went to places like the post office - for stamps and telephone cards - and to the Schönbrunn Zoo, where I once saw his pictures. I soon learned that Margit liked to introduce potential couples to each other, and that these relationships supposedly lasted. I helped her one time in introducing a doctor I knew to one of her old friends, an artist. Her friend, of course, was a Scientologist, something I didn't know at the time.

I worked the whole summer in Siggy's office, during which time I lost contact with my old friend Herbert* in Linz. It made me very sad, although I agreed to it. Siggy and Margit always wanted to take my mind off it and cheer me up -- and without my knowing it, they were looking for a new man for me.


Once they brought me on a picnic to the Donau River to brighten up my day. I went swimming and ate ice cream with Siggy, her husband Gunther and his brother Fritz, because Gunther said he wanted to test drive his new car. We had a very enjoyable afternoon.

My bathroom was ready for an overhaul, Margit told me on a visit. A short time later a man with a sympathetic voice called up and said he was willing to assess my bathroom for renovation. When I asked him how he knew about my poor desolate bathroom, he said Margit had told him and that she was a good friend of his. Four weeks and several telephones later we set up a day for him to make an estimate, August 9th. He knocked on my door at 7 p.m., a congenial, good-looking young man with a smile beaming from his face. He took a look at my bathroom, and gave a price estimate that was way too high. I told him maybe he could do it later, since that was more than I wanted to spend. I had invested my money in a vacation to New York with my son. We were due to leave in ten days. That was the magic word for him. He immediately replied that he had also been to the USA, in Florida and in California. A few minutes later we had a map of the USA spread out on the floor of the living room and were showing each other all the places we had been. I fell in love on the spot. For days afterward I was →acknowledged by Margit and Siggy for my wild experience. Not only that, but Margit told me about when she and Hannes got married they had known each other only four weeks, and that was now 16 years ago. She then told me that this meeting with Pascal* had been arranged. She said she was certain that he would soon ask me if I wanted to marry him. That was too fast for me, though, and I brought up the subject of getting married too quickly. Over the next few days both the women systematically met my objections.


At that point I was incurably enamored. I probably could have been talked into almost anything. Margit gave me a book about emotions (→emotional tone scale) by Ruth Minshull. [3] Read it, she emphatically told me.

What I didn't know at that point in time was that all the people I had been dealing with were Scientologists. Pascal* didn't tell me about Scientology until we got to know each other better. The first time I heard it I had to laugh, because the name sounded funny to me. I had no idea what Scientologists did or what Scientology really was. Pascal* told me it was a religion that was fighting for state recognition in Austria and other European states. He said the Scientology religion was very similar to Buddhism [4], and that someone had taken the discoveries from this old world religion and put them to better use. Totally enthused, he told me about how, with this religion, he first became aware of what he could do as a human being, how he could improve his life and continually strive for improvement. For that you had to take courses in the Scientology church, he said. Wow, I thought, where have I been living?

I asked him when the masses were for the members of this religion. His answer was evasive. He said the belief was not God-related. Yes, he said, there were services now and again on Sundays, when enough people got together. I related this to the comparison to Buddhism, which also has no God, and in doing so I imagined that this was a form of religion that was entirely new to me.

"Life is a CAUSE which acts upon the physical universe as an EFFECT. There is overwhelming evidence to support this now. In the physical universe there is no true static. Every apparent static has been discovered to contain motion.


But the static of Life is evidently a true static." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 136)

Nothing about any of the persons named struck me as extraordinary. They were constantly cheerful and always had winning smiles on their lips. I was constantly assured, to the point where I believed it myself, that everything would turn out fine. Everyone was optimistic and mindful of the success of their business. The buzz word was repeated over and over: produce, produce and keep on producing. More attention was gradually being paid to weekly summaries and statistics. As meticulously as these things were taken care of, that is how meticulously the nurses' complaints about missed wages ignored. About every third call to the nurses agency was a complaint about unpaid wages, and some of the nurses had not gotten any money for months. Because of this many of them no longer wanted to do business with the agency, and it took a lot of time and effort to talk them into going back on duty. In this I was accused of not being firm enough with the nurses and spending too much time on the telephone with them. But after all, I was in love, and details like this didn't bother me.

It wasn't long before Pascal* actually proposed to me, and Siggy and Margit congratulated me.

We married in Scientology

On October 14, 1995, we were married in a Scientology ceremony in the Gloggnitz Castle. Margit, an ordained Scientology minister, performed the rites. To me it was a beautiful moment that gave me courage and strength. Today Pascal* accuses me of having wanted the Scientology wedding so I could be the star of my own show, but that is not how it happened.


Margit, with his agreement, arranged the wedding and told me this would, of course, please my husband-to-be. What woman in love would not want that?

Pascal* found cordial acceptance in my family, as I did in his. My family were very understanding of Pascal* and immediately befriended him. I did not tell my family anything about Scientology until after the divorce was final in October 1998. My mother is still in shock and is concerned about Scientology doing something to me. I tried to meet with optimism the objections Pascal*'s parents voiced before the marriage. I told them I believed in the power of love, and that once Pascal* recognized the security of a relationship in the home he would not be wasting his time on this religious community. I would not realize the extent to which I had overestimated myself or the degree of disappointment that was to come until after the divorce.

I would like to make it clear here that at the time I married Pascal* I was convinced that Scientology was a religious denomination that was striving for official recognition in Austria. Today I blame myself for not having gotten any information on this cult because I was in love.

Right after the wedding I moved in with Pascal* in his little apartment, which was also his office. I had the dream of building up a little Paradise for my new husband. His bachelor's quarters was lacking in many ways. I systematically established a functioning household. With the money we received as wedding presents I bought an iron, a dishwasher and a washing machine.


I invested my own small money reserves into bed linen and tableware, as he owned only chipped coffee cups. His household was lacking in many niceties. But he had no money for this sort of thing -- I was already aware of his financial difficulties that he said he would soon →handle.

Right about the week before the wedding Pascal* told me he had debts resulting mainly from the founding of his company. He said he was going to take a management course to get on top of the situation, primarily to get back his line of credit, which was not all that high. I didn't learn the degree of these debts until the first week after the wedding. To this day I still think that I did not know about all of them. He said he needed 170,000 shillings (12,250 Euro) for this course. I thought that number was Utopian and inflated and I expressed by objection. This annoyed him and he explained to me that he would disencumber himself of his debts through the course, because he would learn there how to →handle his small business and his financial problems. I remember that word so well because I had never heard it used like that before. Somehow I found his statements logical, because it could only be true that an improved financial situation would be good for a newly married couple, but inside I still had reservations. Finally he got to the meat of the matter and told me he needed a person without debts who would act as guarantor so he could get a new loan [5] for 170,000 shillings. He asked me if I would do this, and I finally agreed, even though it made me queasy to think about it. Today he says I offered him the money so that we could get married. What kind of nonsense is that? If he would have made the marriage dependent on me guaranteeing his loan, that would have given me pause for consideration, love or no love. He also claims that I offered to invest a portion of my inheritance, which he alleged I had already received, in his business. That doesn't check out, either


Living and working together

At the beginning of our marriage I was in sheer bliss. My husband was intelligent and understanding and looked nice, still a dream husband at first glance. But over time I got the impression that he was being systematically disabused of thinking and feeling like a human being. Instead he gradually moved into an artificial world, a house of mirrors from which there was no escape.

In doing this he was fully capable of being a normal, happy and healthy man. But he accepted much of what Scientology portrayed without criticism. In Scientology criticism is absolutely forbidden and attempts are made to nip it in the bud. If that doesn't work, critical attitudes are vigorously punished. The crime of making statements critical of the system or the organization can be punished with →auditing, forced labor, or even with a visit to a correctional camp -- as prescribed by the Scientology system of justice. But how could I have known that at the time? Often even long-term Scientologists do not know of these things.

His demeanor and manner of reacting to things in everyday life, it seemed to me, drove him ever deeper into a labyrinthine hall of mirrors from which he could not escape.

In rare but, for me, happy moments I could sometimes detect what a creative and kind-hearted person was to be found under this Scientology armor.

He had already subjected his entire manner of thinking to this doctrine for too long. He had already been told for too long that his →postulates were for the future, that →counter-intentions were to be removed from his environment to assure the expansion of Scientology down the line.


All the same whether this applied to close friends or the immediate members of his family, they had to be →handled.

Sure enough it was his former friends that told me things about Pascal* right after we got married that I didn't want to believe. I got to hear some dandy horror stories, and that is how I perceived them, as either nonsense or gossip. I thought that Pascal*'s former friends were really strange, and that maybe that was the reason he was no longer friends with them. When he spoke of friends at all, it was only of his ex-friends. What I didn't know at the time was that his former girlfriend, as well as his parents, had also had their share of problems with him.

Her son being in a "cult" was very hard upon his mother. But she realized early on that she had lost her son to something that was foreign and incomprehensible to her. Sometimes she rebelled against this briefly, and it was in moments like these that we gave each other encouragement. I wasn't ready to give up that quickly, though. Another reason, this one connected to Scientology, for altercations between Pascal* and his parents was Z. Pascal* had met him at the HTL ("hoehere technische Lehranstalt" / Vo-Tech) in Mödling. Both of them used to take the train there. At the time, Z. was seventeen, and was already selling "cult Bibles," [6] just like his father. The entire Piesting Valley knew about it, my stepmother said.

I found out about his →auditing in Munich (I never found out what problem was so expensive that it had to be audited in Munich) that cost 80,000 shillings (5,810 Euro) and only lasted one weekend that same time I found out about his problems with Karin*, his early →2nd Dynamic.


According to Hubbard, marital relations are a dynamic. Like everything else in life, Scientology also has scales and jargon for this relationship. It was with disbelief that I first heard the cost of a visit to the Sea Org [7] in Clearwater, Florida, a cost that far exceeded his financial limits

The reason he was not allowed to take courses there was that one time he had allegedly attempted suicide. I have never heard anything about that, but it could be, in accordance with Scientology logic, that this suicide was attempted in a former lifetime. Besides that he would have had to have no debts to stay in the Sea Org. Karin said he was spending so much money on Scientology that he was not concerned about the first time she was pregnant, so he left it to her to get an abortion.

Later she had a son, for which he had little interest or money to spare. I didn't want to hear this in the beginning. That couldn't be my husband she was telling me about.

One time our landlord asked me if I thought Pascal*'s friend Z. was nice. At the time I said he was a great, really understanding guy. All he said was that I should pay attention and re-think the picture I had of Z.

Soon Pascal*'s friends were asking me if I was a Scientologist. They were amazed that I told them I wasn't and that I responded by asking them how they would ever think such a thing? Because we had gotten married so quickly, they said, and because his early relationship to a non-Scientologist had failed because of Scientology. So they came to the conclusion that this time he would pick a Scientologist. In fact not only Margit and Siggy, but other of my Scientologist acquaintances had often tried to talk me into joining, but I didn't want to become a Scientologist.


Our friends were satisfied with my answer, but they warned me that Scientologists would not stop their efforts at recruitment. If I did not decide to join Scientology, Pascal* would do the exact same thing for me as he had done for Karin, who had had to move with her baby to her mother's when she could no longer tolerate the pressure and accusations. At the time Florian* was seven weeks old Karin told me that Z. and Urs U. (see pp. 78) had written Pascal* letters to tell him he should separate from her. In my case he was also to receive a separation order on Z's company letterhead, a copy of which I have well preserved.

Pascal* also told me that Z. had once driven to see Karin, when she was seven months pregnant, to scold her for 45 minutes for being a "third party" [8] between him and Pascal*. Pascal* had said nothing on his pregnant partner's behalf to protect or defend her from this person, just as he was to later say nothing to protect or defend me.

Once I learned all this, I used every ounce of energy and love I had to get my husband out of Scientology. The only thing he recognized from our hours of discussion was that I had →counter-intentions. Those discussions, which slowly picked up a tendency to end in dispute, had a central theme: the money that kept on turning up missing because he had given it to Scientology. I told him that, using common sense, he could save up this money for his son. I didn't just mean the huge amounts he spent on courses and →auditing, but simple expenditures, like a birthday present. His frequent trips to Vienna became an ever recurring point of dispute. These trips were preceded by a ritual: he came home from work, lay on the sofa and slept for two hours, after which he ate, then primped. Once we also argued because I was of the opinion that Pascal* could read other books besides the →ethics book.


I gave him books for his birthday and for Christmas so that he would have something to read other than Scientology material. He at least read a third of one book before tossing it aside. It was the first Bill Gates book on success.

Because of my →counter-intentions, mainly because of my efforts to get him away from Scientology, as he saw it, after six months he suggested for the first time that we divorce. The only way to talk him out of giving up so quickly was in long discussions with his mother, who cried just as much as I did. "The repair of a marriage which is going on the rocks does not always require the auditing of the marriage partners. It may be that another family factor is in the scene. This may be in the person of a relative, such as the mother-in-law. How does one solve this factor without using a shotgun? This, again, is simple. The mother-in-law, if there is trouble in the family, is responsible for cutting communications lines or diverting communication." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, pp 65-66)

The main troublemaker in our marriage was Pascal*'s friend Z. He would simply not admit that someone else in Pascal*'s life besides him had an opinion they could stand up for. Because of this he turned into my greatest antagonist, although at first he was very much in favor of me. Up until the time it became clear to him that I would not become a Scientologist. In the end, it turned out to be he and his father, also a Scientologist of course, that got my husband and me away from each other. I have proof of this in writing. Pascal* even denies verified facts when it comes to Z. and his father.

Back when Z. still had hopes for me, he told me during a telephone call about Karin, Pascal*'s former girlfriend. He said she had been a "ruinous catastrophe" for Pascal*, and that everyone was happy once she "moved out."


He said she was not good for Pascal*'s life, she had only →counter-intentions, besides that she was hopelessly stupid and had the evil eye. He told me I shouldn't bother myself about her because the stories she told were all lies. It was those lies under which Pascal* had suffered and which she had spread around half of Piesting about how Pascal* had problems with his family. And the poor child that would have to grow up with such a mother ..., but Pascal* was seeing to it that the child's life was not be a total loss. By that he meant the little boy would be brought up Scientologist, like his three sons. It was inconceivable to him that Karin could have disagreed when Pascal* had sought out a good kindergarten for Florian on the fifth floor of the Vienna municipal district building. That was, as I of course did not hear until later, the "Kreativ College for Knirpse" that, along with the "Verein zur Förderung und zum Schutz von Kindern," was operated by a long-term Scientologist activist. This was a kindergarten and private school without certain government rights ("ohne Öffentlichkeitsrecht"). Naturally, the methods of instruction were fashioned in strict accordance with Scientology concepts. [9] The academic curriculum included the "Basic Study Manual" and "Study Technology," which are supposed to make learning quicker. This sort of instruction cost 6,000 shillings (436 Euro) per child per month. In spite of this, director Margit S. complained about a shortage of money. She was the wife of Fritz S., the brother of Gunther S., with whom Siggy was married at the time. I frequently saw whole families in Scientology like this, down to the third generation in Z's case, and recruitment into Scientology was usually a family affair.

The only thing I said to Z. during this telephone conversation was that the daily trip from Piesting to Vienna was very annoying, mainly for the child.


It was a 45-minute drive by car, if you didn't run into one of the frequent traffic jams on the south autobahn. He said only that if one had the intention to do something, then it could be easily →handled. Because I was still under the impression at the time that Z. was Pascal*'s close friend, I believed him, but gradually came to recognize the real content of what he had said.

It wasn't until a little while later that I learned the stories I had heard but couldn't believe were actually true. One piece at a time I came to find out that my husband had not gotten himself into a religion that was looking for official recognition, but into a controlling and totally exploitive organization.

This organization arranged everything that lay at the foundation of human values, be it family, spouse or even raising one's own children, and even that wasn't enough. The organization seized upon the entire wealth of its members with a slithery grasp. After his savings accounts were emptied, my husband was brought to take out loans to "invest" in his future. At the time I was not aware that he was being treated the same as were many others. Neither was I aware that my relationship with him was going exactly the same way as that of many other women who had a Scientologist for a spouse.

His family reacted to his changing personality and to his ever more objectionable financial condition with concern and horror. In his numerous reports to Scientology he described his mother as →:PTS and as a Suppressive Person. [10] I viewed his attitude toward his family with concern, because Pascal* had wonderful, accommodating, patient parents who were respected in the community. Because of his behavior and his "cult tales" - as the people in Piesting called them - idle chatter that his parents couldn't help but overhear made its rounds and caused them grief.


When I asked him one time why he had joined Scientology he answered that he had been looking for the truth about everything that concerned us human being. He said his father had told him about evolution and that the human race had risen up from a kind of mud. He said that explanation had not been good enough for him and that he had wanted to know much more. That is why he joined Scientology. Besides that, he said, he could improve his life and the condition of his company with the help of Scientology.

I had to constantly remind him to stay in contact with his parents and I encouraged him to visit them now and again. His mother went to a spa to recuperate for four weeks in 1998 after a stay in the hospital. We took it into our heads to visit her one Saturday. That evening, however, Pascal* had an "event" to go to with the Scientologists in Vienna. Therefore we had to say our good-byes after visiting for one hour. I was concerned about him not even having enough time for his mother. That evening he put on his good clothes and just left me sitting in Piesting while he drove to Vienna.

The breach of trust with his family and former friends was permanent. Instead of them he made room in his head for a world without war or insanity, in which only the non-aberrated people had rights.

"If you are interested in the manifestation of insanity, there is any and every form of insanity that you could hope to see in a lifetime in almost any part of the world. Study the peculiarities of the people around you and wonder what they would be like if their little peculiarities were magnified a hundredfold. You may find that by listing all the observable peculiarities you would have a complete list of all the insanities in the world." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, pp 133-134)


His - former - personal interests gradually drifted into the background. It was no longer important for him to have a woman who loved him. He usually was at Scientology in Vienna from four to seven evenings a week. His involvement in his "religion" extended to all areas of his life. I admired his persistency, although I didn't understand it.

Slowly I became more aware of traits that a short time prior I would not have connected with Scientology. He hardly ever talked about his life before Scientology, but when he did, it was always negative. He described himself as a student, although he had a trade of his own. He described human nature as an abstract idea, and his environment was not important to him.

Scientology training on the weekend

Both my husband and I had sons from a previous relationship, and at first I thought I would bring my son Tobias* with me to the Piesting Market. He, however, did not want to leave Vienna, mainly because of his school and his friends. Long discussions resulted in what for me was a painful compromise. My first husband said he was willing to move into my Vienna apartment and see to my son's upbringing. When the living arrangements in Piesting got better and my husband was no longer going to this religious group, I would want Tobias with me.

Prior to that, or so I thought, there were still a couple of details to take care of to get the apartment comfortable.


My new home was the smaller half of a two-family dwelling. Apartment and offices were accommodated in approximately 75 square meters. This building is approximately 100 years old. In the last century it had been an office building, and in the 1950s was converted by the father of the present owner into a beautiful apartment building. It is, however, poorly insulated and very cold in the Winter, as I found out in doing my office work. The building entrance opened up into lobby that was in pitiful shape when I moved in. It took a lot of cleaning to make it shine. Like many franchisers (see p. 20), we used our living room as an office for the Remaill-Technik. This room opened up into our country kitchen, where our customers sat when they visited. The employees also came in the early morning before they went to work, and I gave them coffee. Morning coffee was my idea. Pascal* would have just given the employees their work in the garage, but I had found that 10 minutes getting together before work was very motivating. Sometimes there were cookies or one of the workers would bring in rolls, if he was in a good mood.

The building belonged to Pascal*'s boyhood friend Robert, who also happened to be one of the most dedicated Scientology critics in our circle of acquaintances. Whenever he wanted to ask about Pascal*'s whereabouts he would say, "Is he out with the Klingons again?" That was an allusion to Scientology founder Hubbard, who originally had been a science fiction writer. In reality much of what I learned about Scientology over time did remind me of a bad science fiction movie.

Pascal*'s son Florian lived with his mother Karin and came to visit us only every other Sunday. Because he lived in the same place, at first I wondered why he couldn't visit more frequently. I liked Florian right away, and our two boys also got along well together when they happened to be visiting us at the same time.


One time Florian was visiting us on a Sunday, as he had done before. He had a cold, but no fever, and he was playing with my son Tobias and his cousin Lukas*. Florian was coughing the entire day, and it got worse towards evening. Finally he came to me in the kitchen and said, "My throat hurts from coughing so much." I asked him if he wanted some cough syrup and he said yes. I kept a homeopathic cough syrup for the children in our place in case of flu. It had helped Pascal*'s parents and his sister on more than one occasion and everyone was satisfied with it. When Pascal* noticed that I was giving his son cough syrup, he gave me a good talking to in front of the child. His accused me of dispensing drugs to his son. I responded that I was a nurse, and therefore fully aware of what sort of medicine children could have. Besides that the cough syrup was a homeopathic product; I wouldn't have given anything else to a child without a prior agreement to this from either a mother or a doctor. I also told him I had given the syrup to members of his family. We argued about this for three hours in front of the children. Pascal* took it personally as a Scientologist because his parents had accepted the cough syrup. He accused me of making his entire family dependent on drugs. All I could do was shake my head. At the time I didn't know where his arguments and reactions were coming from. [11]

What struck me as peculiar in this regard was his own excessive consumption of synthetic vitamins. Sometimes over the course of a day he took many times what was regarded to be a sensible daily dose. From my training as a nurse I was aware of the risks of vitamin overdose [12], so I tried to get my husband to slow down to avoid hazards to his health such as damage to kidneys or liver.


When he wouldn't listen to me, I asked my sister and her husband, both practicing doctors, to speak with Pascal*. At the time I didn't know there was no point in sending a Scientologist to a doctor unless it was a Scientologist doctor. One of these was Thomas K. He was not only an "Operating Thetan" (→OT), which put him high up in Scientology's hierarchy, he also worked for Scientology as an →FSM. An FSM gets other people to spend money on Scientology books and courses. Pascal* often telephoned him as he was both a Scientologist and a practicing doctor. As a matter of routine, though, Scientologists regard medical practitioners as criminals. He had a fixed idea that I was a member of the medical liars. But at the time I still had confidence in the friendship between Pascal* and my brother-in-law. And so I hoped that he could bring Pascal* to see reason. The outcome was naught, he continued to get his vitamins by mail order from a Burgenland drug store. The pharmacist is Alfred S., who does brisk business distributing Scientology "medicines" by mail. He also bought Supradyn in the Piesting drug store. The package recommended one pill a day, but he often took two or three a day. I had fresh vegetables in the garden and tried to get him off synthetic vitamins by offering him meals rich in vitamins, but it didn't do any good.

"Man on the lower ranges is entirely dedicated to the goals of the body itself. The body, to exist, must make nothing out of something. This, as the simplest illustration, is the goal of eating. It may or may not be necessary to life to eat; it may not even be necessary for the body to eat. In Para-Scientology (any part of Scientology that exceeds the reality of an individual at any given time), there is some evidence that the stomach once produced sufficient life energy to motivate the body without any further 'food'..." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 95)


One day be brought home a bottle of water he had paid 180 shillings (13 Euro) for. It was Grander Water, named after its inventor or discoverer, Johann Grander, and it allegedly had special invigorating powers. It was especially healthy, he said, and he needed the water for his body now, because it had a special energy. He was so stingy with this water, always dripping only a few drops out into his coffee or Muesli, that he made the bottle last two months. Then he forget to get a new one, and the entire topic was history. I wondered as much about the price of the water as I did about Pascal*'s belief in its special qualities. Where he wouldn't credit me in the least he trusted complete strangers.

Another situation in which his behavior didn't make sense to me was as follows: one time my son knocked his head on a bookshelf and came to us afterward and told us about it. I wanted to hold Tobias and console him, but Pascal* took him by the hand and brought him to the bookshelf. Tobias told me that Pascal* had told him to put his head against the bookshelf and that this would make the pain go back into the shelf. Tobias, twelve years old at the time, asked me why Pascal* did such funny things. I couldn't explain it to him.

I tolerated in silence Pascal*'s refusal to have children. He said having children would not be the appropriate thing to do, in his situation. He backed down a little and told me that perhaps in a few years he would think it over, and I could talk with him then about it. I pointed out to him that I was already 38 years old, and while I was absolutely healthy there was not a lot of time left for that sort of thing.


He did not respond to me and, from that point on, categorically refused to broach the topic any more. This still bothers me today, and back then I cried about it. He refused to come with me to "normal" marriage counseling, because that was done by psychologists, who he thought were criminals. Besides that, this sort of counseling wouldn't have fit into his program without clashing with what he already knew. On top of that were the accusations that I had not wanted to go to the pre-paid Scientology marriage auditing, therefore it was my fault if the marriage wouldn't work.

That wasn't the only guilt trip I was subjected to. He constantly accused me of having →considerations and →counter-intentions and other words out of his Scientology dictionary. At the end he used only a few pat phrases to speak to me. The times he was friendly or willing to talk or help grew few and far between. Affection between us was as good as non-existent, and it was not for lack of trying on my part. It was a struggle to get any concession from him, and when that happened it was so slight that I felt at odds with my own womanhood.

From the beginning of our marriage Pascal* didn't want to wear his wedding ring. The reason he gave on weekdays was that it bothered him at work. On Sundays it bothered him because he went climbing. He often went climbing up various mountains with one of his Scientology friends. But neither did he wear his wedding ring at other times. It bothered me that he ignored my feelings. Other couples we knew who were Scientologists wore their wedding rings with no problem. He continued not to wear his and often made fun of me and my concerns. When Margit, as a long-term valued friend in her function of clergy, mentioned the ring to him, he only scolded me for having tattled to her.


In September 1998 I got a savings book for his son Florian. I was in the the post office savings bank in Vienna, where I had opened a savings account for Tobias a long time before. I was happy to be able to put something away for Tobias, as he certainly could use it some day. I wanted to do this for Florian, too, because Pascal* didn't do it and Karin probably didn't have enough money. Because I was a co-signer to Pascal*'s account, I started up a recurring deposit from Pascal*'s company account to his son's savings of 1,000 shillings (73 Euro) a month. Deposits for my son's savings account came from both my mother and me. One day afterwards, on Saturday morning, I gave Pascal* the new savings account book and was fully confident that he would be happy to see it. Instead, he immediately became angry. When I told him that "savings" was a solution word, the fight started. He accused me of having done this because I thought that the Scientologists were taking away all the money. Big stupid nonsensical fights would spring up out of simple things like that, without a thought to the contrary. It wasn't until almost two hours later we agreed to give Florian's savings account book to Pascal*'s mother to keep. She was amenable to that. I told the family what had happened and nobody understood how someone could fight so much over such a little thing.

The way I explained the fight for my own satisfaction was like this: one day when I had asked Pascal* how much his thick green Scientology books (volumes [13]) had cost, he named a figure of 14,000 shillings (1,017 Euro). I just responded that instead of giving that kind of money to Scientology, it might have been better invested for his son, since there was not much chance that Karin would be able to provide for her son in the future.


I accused him of stealing from his son, which perhaps was putting it too strongly. He yelled that his son was very intelligent - something I had never questioned - and that he could look after himself when he was grown up. Therefore it was not necessary to set up a savings account for him.

"Care for the child? -- nonsense! He has probably got a better grasp of immediate situations than you have." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 63)

It wasn't until much later that I learned from the Scientologist Pascal* sold them to that the thick green "volumes" had actually cost much more than he had told me. He had told Karin that he had started a savings account for Florian. After that I sent her a copy of the bank application with my signature.

I could never understand him paying so much money to this cult that he had to go into debt for it, every time. His mother is the guarantor of his "company founding loan" of over 740,000 shillings (53,780 Euro). She put up her own house for the loan without even a clause that gave her rights to live there. There is nothing in Pascal*'s business that is worth that amount. The company cars are leased, and the office furniture circa 1970 was given to him as a present. The equipment and tools could not justify that amount, not even close. The only company possessions worth mentioning are two spraying machines at a value of about 35,000 shillings (2,540 Euro) apiece and two computers that were obsolete long ago. So where has all the money from these many loans gotten to? Certainly the company had expenses that had to be financed, but he would or could not account for the rest of his debt. Pascal*'s total debt was officially running at something over one and a half million shillings (109,000 Euro).


One time I calculated the debt using the available statements and came up with about two million shillings (145,000 Euro), but I'm sure all the statements didn't make their way to me, even though I was working in Pascal*'s office. Between that and being his wife it still wasn't possible for me to accurately determine his financial situation.

The Scientology managed operation

His business ran as a Scientology managed operation, with a basic Scientology structure in the form of a franchise corporation. The founder of "Remaill-Technik" or "Miracle Method", as it is known in its homeland of California, is Bob Grey, a high-ranking Scientologist in the USA. The franchisers obligate themselves under contract to use the prescribed work materials from the USA, and also to divert ten percent of their monthly sales to Bob Grey or to his organization. "Remaill-Technik" (could be rendered into English as "Renamelling Technology") is engaged in refinishing old, chipped or unseemly bath tubs or wash basins. Bob Grey has also developed a special procedure to repair enamel damage. Main customers are spas and large hotels. The goal of "Remaill-Technik" in Austria is to use all resources available to become the market leader in the field of bathroom renovation and to eliminate (wholly in the Hubbard sense) competition.

The "master franchiser" in Austria is Z. His methods in handling the competition are anything but fair. I noticed him because of his rude, crude conduct. He likes to use every possible opportunity to tell about who he "hung out to dry".


Pascal* is not only his franchiser, but also his friend and his enthusiastic supporter. Z. is Pascal*'s role model. That goes to the extent of not only getting the same kind of haircut at the barber's, but also of assimilating his patterns of speech. I once brought it to my husband's attention that he was acting like an image of Z. He became resentful and ignored what I said, saying my words were only the result of my own intolerance of his friends.

He also mimicked Z. in his business practices and wanted to use his unfair methods.

Two days after our marriage, Pascal*'s sister Silvia* visited us with her small son. She told us she wanted to stop working in Pascal*'s office at the year's end to have more time to spend with her son and her home. Pascal* found an immediate solution to this predicament. Because I had gone to business school before I became a nurse, which by the way was 16 years prior, I could temporarily take over Silvia's job in the office. I was happy to go along with this, since it gave me a chance to be at my husband's side. I immediately terminated the employment agreement I had signed with the Baden hospital, where I would have started duty in November as an operating room nurse.

In the days following Silvia explained to me everything that went on in Pascal*'s office. Soon I was on my own. My new job consisted of precisely noting down all incoming calls and giving out information about "Remaill-Technik", working on the daily mail, opening accounts and posting account transactions on the computer, including income, expenses and cash, closing out finished jobs, sorting out statements by date and preparing them for the tax consultant, who would produce account balances and balance statements.


At month's end I had to do the calculations for the production of our two employees and fax the data to the tax consultant for wage calculations. From the commissions and production he would calculate the wages, which I was then supposed to pay, not an easy task since there was seldom enough money in the company accounts.

One important task was composing sales letters, some according to sample letters, others according to my own ideas. I took special care with these letters because I did indeed want for people to be interested in my husband's work. To that end I took on the daunting task of expanding the base of customer addresses from 2,500 to nearly 7,000.

This task stretched over a long period, because I usually didn't have time until the evening after regular hours were over. My search for potential customers by phone took me to nearly all the regional tourist offices in the Austrian states of Styria, Kärnten Oberösterreich, parts of Niederösterreich and Burgenland. I also contacted government offices, mostly state, to get addresses of hospitals, nursing homes, homes for seniors, convalescent and children's homes in the Austria regions.

Once I got the lists I was looking for from them, then the real work could start, that of contacting the potential customers. I had to type in every single new hotel, hospital and institution address into the computer by hand, along with the title and name of the contact person. This extensive project lasted from October 1996 to the end of March/early April 1997, and most of it could be done only after regular business hours.


During that period I spent about three or four evenings a week working up to 11 or even 12 o'clock. My husband was either in bed at at the →Org in Vienna.

I produced a new, up-to-date customer portfolio for my husband's small business. Documents could be sent to the customers on demand. I had sorted it in my living in the evening and bound it in beautiful blue transparent cover. On top of that I took the initiative to design a new logo for the cover page on the computer. That was the only work that Z. did not criticize. Other than that I never had a chance to creatively contribute something of a non-Scientology nature to company goings-on. Anything from me that seemed "normal" was not accepted.

For instance, in accordance with Hubbard's instructions we all had to have three baskets on our desks. They had to be on the left side of the desk, whether it was practical or not. Besides that there was also a "info center" that followed this same pattern.

Another one of my jobs was advertising, mostly that meant getting our insert put into regional newspapers. Later, at the suggestion of me and Z's wife Sonia, it was agreed to design a joint advertisement with Z.

And for every business action, painfully precise statistics [14] had to be noted down and maintained. Counting these statistics was part of my job until the beginning of 1997. Every Monday morning I had to fax the weekly statistics to Z's company in Vienna. In the beginning of 1997 Pascal* took over this job himself. For this task I gave him the older of the two computers. Pascal* didn't keep the statistics as exactly as I had been. In private life he was just as disorderly. He'd put things down and not be able to find them afterward.


Two or three times a week we'd search the entire house for the keys to his car. At the start of the new work week I was supposed to do "conditions" [15] in my work. I didn't do this nonsense, not once, which would always get Pascal* and Z. upset. According to Z. this refusal to work was a part of my →counter-intention. He once asked me what kind of →considerations I had about it. I told him none, and that I did not need to do "conditions" for my work as I was present in Pascal*'s company from seven in the morning to six in the evening and worked practically the entire time. On top of that I frequently worked in the office on weekends to print the mass mailing letters so that the computer printers wouldn't be tied up during the work week. That included procuring paper and toner for the laser printer in sufficient quantity. Sometimes my husband got those items, if he had the time, but it was mostly my job to get these things and other material for the workshop in my own free time. On Saturday mornings, or sometimes on Friday afternoons, I used my little car to pick up copy paper, folders, envelopes, 25 liter cannisters of acetone and nitro-thinner, dust protection masks, adhesive tape, plastic bottles, work gloves, coveralls, trash bags and light bulbs. And it wasn't like I didn't spend enough of what little free time I had in the "workshop," in reality just an dirty old garage, to get things straightened up. In doing this I dragged things around that were too heavy for a woman, such as the 25 liter cannisters. That sort of work didn't do my back any good, with which I had already experienced complaints several years before. That type of activity always causes me backaches. I complained once to Pascal* and he would only say that I didn't have to do it.

"When you start to introduce order into anything, disorder shows up and blows off ('disappears' in the German). Therefore, efforts to bring order in the society or any part of it will be productive of disorder for a while every time."


"The trick is to keep on bringing order; and soon the disorder is gone, and you have orderly activity remaining. But if you hate disorder and fight disorder only, don't ever try to bring order to anything, for the result disorder will drive you have made. Only if you can ignore disorder and can understand this principle, can you have a working world." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 93)

He didn't worry about that ever. But leaving the "workshop" in that kind of mess when potential new customers or workers came in would not make a good impression, as far as I could see. Pascal*'s stock excuse was that this was a working area, therefore the mess could be excused. I did everything I could think of to help him, and I did it because I loved him.

While this was going on I was also maintaining a humble household, and during working hours I was going back and forth to turn on the washing machine or dishwasher. In the evening, when Pascal* came home from work, I saw to it that the atmosphere was comfortable. Most evenings I had a small meal prepared and the apartment was always cleaned up. For ironing and large cleaning jobs I had some help, Mrs. Rosa, who was always orderly and punctual, thereby providing me with welcome relief. On the weekends I went shopping for both home and for the company, only we didn't have much money for the things of day-to-day life. My son Tobias would come over Saturday afternoons and Pascal*'s son Florian also visited every other Sunday.


I always cooked good things for both the boys that I knew they liked to eat, and afterwards there was almost always desert. I wanted both of them to eat well when they were with us and to have the apartment clean and comfortable when there were with us. I insisted that the boys keep their own possessions in order when they were with us. Whenever it came time to give our apartment a face-lift, there were always problems with Pascal*. I had to argue with him for six weeks to get a new coat of paint for the office, kitchen and waiting room.

Scientology calls for consultations

It was on a Saturday when, in spite of himself, he finally began to paint the walls with me and his father, who had come to help. Halfway through the job in the afternoon, he got a call from the →Org. He said he had to discuss something personal with Doris F. and that it would take about a half hour, then he left everything were he dropped it. He said he would drive out to Vienna and come back right after the meeting. The trip itself would take longer than his meeting, but he never concerned himself with trivialities like that. The furniture was all pushed together in the middle of the room covered with cloth so I couldn't even sit down. The walls were half unpainted and half wet with paint. I was simply furious. That evening a call came from Vienna. Doris F. said that the meeting was taking longer than they had thought, and that now Pascal* was going to have to work on a program afterwards, but that he would probably be home about 10 that night. I was immediately upset and felt, as I did so often, that Scientology had left me standing out in the cold.


My husband had a regular habit of breaking dates and appointments with me to put me in last place for the benefit of others or for Scientology. This feeling he projected towards me of my always being in last place was one of the many discouragements I put up with. Perhaps it had something to do with the value Scientologists assign to all other people. Non-Scientologists are called "Wogs" [16] or "Raw Meat" [17] and are regarded as being not fully conscious.

I was not important to him even though I had made him the top priority in my life and was always there when he needed me. Pascal* and his progress were very important to me; I wanted he and I to have a better life together without debt in a beautiful environment. His progress in Scientology, however, was more important to him. He had no understanding for my "formalities." Sometimes I asked myself whether he was at all aware of the impact I had made upon his bachelor's pad and his environment. He had once said that he would have been willing to live in a trailer if it meant success in Scientology.

"Once upon a time, perhaps, you were thinking of being married and having a nice home, and having a nice family; everything would be just fine. The husband would come home and you would put the dinner on the table and everybody would be happy about the whole thing; and then you got married and maybe it didn't quite work out. [...] Well, what do we do with a condition like this? Do we just break up the marriage? Or touch a match to the whole house? Or throw the kids in the garbage can?" (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, pp. 11-12)

Those do-it-yourself shelves that we bought in early 1996 for the office, one evening I pieced them together and put them up, without Pascal*. They had been lying there for a week still in their packaging.


One of the workers we had then came by to drop off a delivery slip. He was surprised when he found me doing this work in the office with hammers and screwdrivers, and he helped me. It was already late, 8 p.m., and his wife and baby were waiting for him at home. After we had argued about the shelf, my husband was content to go off to Vienna and have a beer with his friend Z. After that, of course, he went to visit the Scientologists in the →Org. He told me afterwards that I didn't have to put the shelf together. I replied that I didn't like the files lying on the floor in the office for over a week now, and that it was getting difficult to find anything I needed in the office.

Another job he didn't want to do at home was putting down the laminated flooring we had got on sale in August 1997. We had wanted to redo the office and the kitchen, where the flooring already had holes. The carpet in the office was very dirty and worn, hardly the showplace of a successful company. He put off the dates for doing the floors repeatedly, and we couldn't afford to hire a handyman to do it. Pascal* completed vocational instruction as a cabinetmaker, so he should have been able to do this work easily. After five months of argument we put down the new floor in the kitchen in February 1998. He did more than his share of grumbling about it. At the time I moved out in December 1998 the floor in the office still hadn't been done and the laminated flooring was still lying in the "workshop." Cleaning up and keeping things straight were always a trial with him. Keeping things in order should have been important for the chief of a small company. Hubbard had devoted an entire chapter to the creation of order in all areas of life. But apparently he never read that part. Instead he would read his ethics book (→ethics) for hours.


He had a fit once when I asked him if he didn't already have that book memorized a long time ago. Problems at work? He would lie down on the sofa with the ethics book. That was his way of solving problems.

Another big topic of conversation was smoking. Pascal* smoked, but I have always been a dedicated non-smoker. I am very health conscious and pay attention to what kind of food or medicine I put into my body. When we first got married, Pascal* smoked everywhere, in the apartment at any time, including when children were present. Long discussions ensued in which I brought it to his attention that the children and I were engulfed in his second-hand smoke, that this was not healthy, and it stunk besides. Realize, if you can, that it was not until after a year had gone by that Pascal* said he was willing to no longer smoke in the living quarters.

When our workers had been busy in the workshop all day, I would cook for them. They enjoyed the food and the company. In the mornings there was always coffee for the workers in the kitchen. I took pains to be on good terms with them. They could always come to me if they needed anything. Whatever it was, I was always willing to listen to them. Without praising myself to the skies, I'll point out that during the entire time I took care of the workers in Pascal*'s company, the rapid personnel turnover stopped and we had the same people, Gerhard* and Ernst* for two and a half years. There were no dismissals, neither were there cost-intensive termination payments. We quite simply had a team that functioned and of which we could be proud.


Vacation in America

In Fall 1996 we took our vacation together with Urs U. and his daughter to go on a joint excursion that was to start in California. Pascal* had won the 1995 prize for the best production in Remaill-Technik for Austria-Switzerland-Germany. U. is from Switzerland. He is Pascal*'s employer in the sense that U. is the master franchiser for Remaill-Technik, from whom Z. acquired the rights for Austria. Pascal*, in turn, is Z's franchiser.

We hadn't even left the airport before Urs brought it loudly and clearly to my attention that the monthly "royalties," licence fees, that Pascal* was supposed to pay as a franchiser, had not been promptly deposited in his account this time. These fees came to ten percent of our small company's sales.

We flew from Geneva to Los Angeles. That was the starting point of the excursion by car through California and Nevada. In Los Angeles, of course, we visited the LRH Gallery. The LRH Gallery, although the comparison is enough to make any brave Muslim shudder, is more than the Mecca of the Scientologists. There the Founder has been paid an unbelievable excess of homage. U. and Pascal* strutted like two roosters through the exhibition on the life of L. Ron Founder, the "founder of their religion." My, how magnificent Ron had been, Ron did this and Ron did that, on and on. We were permitted to admire the very first →e-meter, as well as the very first →Dianetics book, a most magnificent movie about the even more magnificent Ron: Ron as the family father at the fireside, his daughter in his arms; Ron the researcher, the writer; Ron at home in all areas of science. Row after row of certificates, diplomas and awards hung in showy gold frames on the walls; I estimated 400-500 of these.

I experienced a personality cult as I never had before.


Our tour guide was a German-speaking Swiss woman who spoke very reverently about Ron. It wasn't until later on that I heard anything critical of Hubbard, read books that in no way reflected the magnificent image propagated of him or learned that Hubbard would have had to have been 300 years old to do everything that Scientology credits him with.

U's daughter Iris was 18 years old and, naturally, a dyed-in-the-wool Scientologist. She sold groceries and seemed very content to do that. One of Iris' legs is a little more than one inch shorter than the other, and that bothers her when standing or walking for long periods. Sometimes she just falls down in exhaustion from the effort of having to compensate for the difference in the lengths of her limbs.

I asked Urs if he had ever brought Iris to see an orthopedist who could fit her up with shoes that would compensate for this difference. He got very upset and said that of course he would not let her be treated by a doctor because they were all criminals. He immediately changed the subject and started talking about AIDS, a disease about which he said he had very accurate information. He said he knew from people all over the world where it came from and how it could be eradicated. I said nothing more to him as there were four of in in the car and the greater part of our trip lie before us; we had just arrived in Palm Springs. I didn't want to have a discussion that would end up in a fight between Pascal* and me. Besides that I was already aware of the Scientologists' peculiar assessment of medicine.

"Glasses are a symptom of the decline of consciousness. One needs one's sight bolstered to make the world look brighter. The inability to move swiftly [...] is a decline of consciousness and ability" (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 76)


I perceived U's outbreak as an expression of his displeasure with my profession as a certified nurse. I had been constantly upbraided by Scientologists in connection with my profession and with my work with doctors. According to Scientology, doctors and nurses are arrogant, while psychiatrists and psychologists are even regarded as criminal.

In the scope of my education prior to becoming a nurse I had written a detailed report about AIDS and about AIDS patients in the operating room, which I had presented before nurses. In order to do that I had to gather information from academic sources as well as from on-the-job reports from wards that cared for AIDS patients. I spent almost a year working on this review of what is known about AIDS for my colleagues. During this time there were many occasions to speak with AIDS patients. I had chosen my profession for moral and social reasons and have always been mindful of work ethics and of patients' interests. I still like working as a nurse, and I'll be involved with caring for sick and socially handicapped people for as long as I can work. I never could get this idea across to Pascal*. He didn't understand what I meant. He never exhibited anything similar to sympathy. I consoled myself by saying that things would surely get better some day.

The Celebrity Center in Hollywood had also been scheduled for the Scientology tour, but I refused to go there. Instead of that we went to Universal Studios. We left San Diego to drive through the desert to Palm Springs, and from there to Las Vegas, where we visited the casinos. From there we went to Death Valley, Yosemite National Park and finally to Monterey on the Pacific. That was the most beautiful beach I'd ever seen. We drove up Highway One to San Francisco. That city with its Victorian architecture jutting from countless hills


struck me much nicer than Los Angeles, parts of which look like a shantytown. Not Beverly Hills, of course, where I saw houses more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. In San Francisco we saw every conceivable object of interest, ate at the fishery by the wharf and went for a magnificent sunny morning stroll over the Golden Gate Bridge. On the last day we visited the prison island of Alcatraz.

During the relaxing atmosphere of this trip I had wanted to bring up to Pascal* the idea of having a child. I simply wanted a child in our marriage. Yet it was quite apparent that he was not ready to have a child with a non-Scientologist woman. The peculiar concepts Scientology had about children were manifesting themselves.

Apparently he had our discussion about children on this trip to the USA →audited too, since I found handwritten notes about this discussion by "Brigitte," who I have never met. It made me sick to think that he was sharing the intimate details of our marriage with a stranger. It was not until much later that I found out that he regularly wrote reports for Scientology in which he revealed the most intimate details of our relationship.

The duties of a wife

Despite my limited financial possibilities, I gradually succeeded in making the apartment more comfortable, putting flowerpots outside the windows and hanging beautiful pictures and curtains. If there was no money to do this from the company, then I took it upon myself to finance these things out of my own pocket.


In the first year of our marriage I outfitted my husband with handsome, trendy, elegant, somewhat expensive clothes on the occasions of his birthday and our first Christmas together. They were clothes he could wear when he met with important customers, like a hotel director or a spa manager, and not appear as ill-kempt was otherwise his custom. He was very happy to get these gifts and liked to wear them. These are also what he wears when he drives to Vienna to go to the →Org.

After Pascal* and I were married, I also received money every now and then from my mother. Sometimes she bought me something nice, a jacket from Chanel for instance. Pascal* accused me of wearing nothing but designer clothing, but that wasn't true. I did, indeed, possess several pieces of designer clothing, but either I bought them before we were married or my mother gave them to me. Most of my wardrobe is normal, off-the-rack clothing. I also used to sew some of my own clothes before I married Pascal*. During the time Pascal* and I were together I had no money to buy designer clothes.

I did the garden chores almost all by myself, except the lawn, which was mowed by Pascal*'s father. Pascal* helped me only on rare occasion. In front of and behind the building was a total of 4,000 square meters. The approach to the house was more than 70 meters long, and the customers had to either drive it or walk it. Therefore it was of special interest to me that the brambles and bushes be cut back. Besides that, the children ran around there in the summertime, and before my clean-up operations there were great quantities of broken glass, rusty nails, rotten boards and metal clasps from beer bottles lying around. It was also in his interest to clear away these piles of junk and plant roses in place of marigolds and brambles. [18] I put in a small vegetable garden from which we got tomatoes, zucchini and greens.


Since Piesting was plagued with snails and the slugs were doing their best to eat everything in the garden, I bought a couple of Turkish ducks the second year we were married, and they ate these pests with so much gusto that the garden was free from snails. The ducks were called Anthony and Daisy. The last year I was there I also had a gray goose that flew to me and made himself at home in our garden.

Pascal* cursed when I wanted to put in organic topsoil and he had to help me till the dirt. He said it was a waste of time. I responded by saying that it would be nicer for the customers if the area around the shop looked like it had been landscaped.

But he was not interested in the by now well-cultivated garden anymore. On the contrary, when we were getting divorced, he accused me of spending too much time in the garden.

In his response to my application to sue him for divorce, he also accused me of frequently sitting around evenings in front of the television set. Yes, it was true that sometimes I watched television in the evenings, but his consumption of violent movies was even worse. He had a preference for movies in which people were hacked to pieces. He had an electrician from the neighborhood mount a satellite dish after which he watched the set much more frequently.

When the boys stayed overnight, they had to sleep on a couch in the living room because of a lack of space. He wouldn't even turn the television off when the children were getting ready to go to sleep. When I told him to turn off the boob tube, he'd usually be upset because his violent movie wasn't over yet. I'd bring it to his attention that those movies shouldn't be played in the presence of children, that he could have watched something nicer. He would only say that he thought maybe the children would like them, too.

He simply brushed my objections about child-rearing aside.


But then he would get excited if I turned on the television because after I did office work all day I couldn't read a book and conversation with him was not possible without it ending in an argument. I watched mostly peaceful or romantic movies, but also news broadcasts and documentaries, mostly about medical research. That upset him, of course, because negative things were reported on the news and he could not →confront [19] these things. Once when I told him I was looking at a news broadcast because it was reporting on the conversion to the euro [new unit of currency], and that I wanted to see how things were turning out for dividends and for individuals with the conversion to the new currency and how it might affect the company, he became quite angry. He told me the only reason I was interested in the topic was so I could take all the more delight in pointing out his debts. I told him that I thought about the currency conversion the same way I did anything else and that this was neither extraordinary nor did it have anything at all to do with his debts. There wasn't any point to me saying anything, he simply did not want to believe me.

At the time I didn't know about Mary Sue Hubbard. She was one of L. Ron Hubbard's wives, and in 1970 she described the duties of a married couple in the "Marriage Hat." [20] The 23 duties of a wife were up against only 21 of the husband's. The duties of a woman included: cooking, washing, ironing, going shopping, raising children and some other things around the house. Being beautiful for the husband was one of them. Duty 15 says never to appear before the husband in curlers or wearing a face mask, but to be always clean and attractive. I was already the ideal Scientology wife, although I didn't know these rules.


My husband never appreciated that. Apparently he didn't recognize his duties, either. Those included not only mowing the grass and doing minor repairs around the house, but also occasionally bringing flowers or small gifts for me.

At the end of 1997, all of the employees could not be paid. That meant one of the new guys had to be let go. He had family problems and was often ill besides. I also decided to officially quit the Remaill-Technik. It was a happy coincidence that it was at this time I also happened to receive an offer to work 20 hours a week in an operating room in a Viennese hospital. I had previously done some work for them and I wanted to get back to working in my profession. The nursing team there is very good too, which was an additional attraction for me. It was agreed that, for the rest of the week, I would work in Pascal*'s office, not as office help, but as the wife who did the bookkeeping. There was consultation with the tax advisor as to what form my compensation would take, and it was decided that Pascal* would give me 8,000 shillings (581 Euro) a month in the form of a private withdrawal. In 1998 I often had to wait a month for my pay because Pascal*'s company had no money. I was still dependent on the 8,000 shillings though, because I only got about 11,000 shillings (800 Euro) from my twenty-hours-a-week job, and I still had financial obligations (rent, my son's upkeep, telephone, savings plans, life and automobile insurance. Naturally I also needed money for the house, because he did not regularly give me money for that.)

Pascal*'s one remaining employee, Gerhard, also had to wait on his pay. At year's end it turned out that Pascal*'s company had made a profit for the first time, according to the accounts ledger it was 800,000 shillings (58,000 Euro). But there was no money in the bank account. Where had it gone?


Back into professional life

From the day I began working in the hospital, more and more money was being withdraw from cash without records of transaction. Naturally I noticed that money was missing and I asked Pascal* about it. He replied that he had paid Z. for supplies or for this and that. I told him he would have to write that down if I was not there, and bring in the corresponding invoices to document the cash withdrawals. I waited weeks or even months for many of these documents, and many of them I never received, presumably because they did not exist. At the end of the month I had to record all mismatched amounts as private withdrawals. That was soon a common trick in our bookkeeping, because at month's end the expenses and the income had to tally. With the help of this trick, which I came upon in 1998 by means of the new tax advisor, Pascal*'s books always balanced, but where had the money gone?

In 1998 Pascal* repeatedly withdrew cash from the company account using an automated teller at Volksbank in amounts of 5.000 shillings (363 Euro). As the person who did company accounts I had to ask him what was financed with this money, because I didn't have the corresponding invoices. He usually surprised me by pretending not to know what he spent the money on any more. I can't explain the missing documents, because there were no bills. Pascal* would accuse me of keeping sloppy books, but those who know me are aware that I place the highest value in maintaining order in all areas of life. I always did the work very precisely, and therefore I take it as a serious insult if I am accused of being sloppy.


Somebody was indeed being sloppy, as could be realized from a glance at Pascal*'s desk. If I had not spent the prior year exploring his desk to see what kind of important bills were lying around on it, it would have been impossible to sort out his mess now that I was on reduced work hours. Some unfinished work would always be lying around there. An insurance policy for the company car our employee drove, for instance, lay unpaid on his desk. It was not until our insurance representative (a friend of ours) called up and told me that the permit agency was going to come around the next morning to unbolt the license plates from the company car that Pascal* reacted. He got all the unopened envelopes together, including the certified warnings for the insurance amount, put them in a pile on his desk, and then promptly forgot about them.

I had hoped that the threat to tow the car away would move him to be more orderly, but I was only deceiving myself - he continued as unmindfully as before. The bill collector showed up at the front door October 14, 1998. At first I was very afraid, because prior to that day I had never had anything to do with seizures or bill collectors. He said he had to receive 1.800 shillings (131 Euro). I could not, however, pay that amount in cash. When I asked him what was going on, he told me that two weeks before my husband had been informed by a letter from the court and must therefore know what he was paying for. I had never seen a bill, a warning or a court order for this sum. Strangely enough, the yellow receipt of payment the bill collector gave me later disappeared and never showed up again

I never found an entry in the books for this amount.


The friend of my husband

His trips to Vienna bothered me more than ever, because he spent up to four evenings a week there while leaving me alone back in Piesting. He told me I could always go along with him. I did that, and even let myself be talked into taking three small courses with Scientology in Vienna. Those consisted mainly of the child's game of using paper clips, rubber bands and other such small knickknacks [21] to act out the instructional story you had just read. It seemed extraordinarily dumb doing this. I felt like I had been transported back to kindergarten. The course supervisor [22] was nevertheless very pleased with my performance, for which she →acknowledged me. Once Christa Z. said it was seldom that someone with such a gift of comprehension as I would come along. At the end of the course I went to see Barbara K., and she told me I had to take the ring off my finger and hold the →e-meter in my hands. She said there was only a little bit of electricity in there and that it was to see if I had success with my course. I told her I could tell her that, and that based on my knowledge of medicine, there was no device that could measure success. She was appalled that I did not hold onto the e-meter when I was done with my course, but let me take courses nonetheless that did not cost much, only about 800 shillings (58 Euro) per course. My husband paid for me. That was one of the few times he spent money on me. These inexpensive courses were to get people into Scientology, and were arranged so that after the first alleged successes, people would then naturally go on to take the more expensive courses.

On one of these evenings I was urged to take the so-called →personality test, which I was supposed to take in an adjoining room.


I read through the questionnaire, which had a picture of Albert Einstein on it, and found the questions much too personal. Several questions had to do with when and how often my muscles twitched. After about ten minutes I gave the "test" unanswered back to the course supervisor and told her I wouldn't fill anything out because it had nothing to do with the outcome of my course and the questions went too far for me. She acted disappointed and my husband, who had talked to her, was rather sullen. Approximately one week later Dorf F., the director of the Vienna →Org, asked me if I wanted to become a member of the IAS [23], because magnificent life-affirming people such as myself were needed to save the planet. I told her I didn't want to join another religion, and besides that, I didn't have enough money. Pascal* wanted to pay for my membership, but I refused.

I am Catholic and want to stay that way. It is simply the right faith for me. In 1998 Pascal* left the Catholic Church, although I had asked him not to do that. From that point I hardly ever went to the →Org in Schottenfeld Alley again.

In 1996 I went with him for two evenings to "Business Success" in Vienna. There Franz W. one of the co-owners, gave a lecture about "conditions" (→ethics) for about thirty people.

In the beginning of our marriage, besides all his other obligations, Pascal* was active in the "Charter Committee Vienna" every Tuesday until 10 pm. His mission there was to call up parties of dispute that had to be →handled and make appointments for them to meet. His nickname at the time was "Bulldogge." I complained to Pascal* that not only was he not at home evenings, neither was he at home over the weekends. He then ended his activities for the Charter Committee, but complained about it afterwards every time we argued. He says I threatened him with divorce back then, but he was the one who would bring the word "divorce" into the conversations.


It was not until much later that I learned from one of his Scientology friends that people had not been quite pleased with his work there, and nobody complained that he left of his own accord. At the time the office of the Charter Committee Vienna was located on 32 Linzer Street, in a room off to the side of Angelika T's commercial studio, a storage room to be more precise. I was only there one time when we brought in an office chair and a fax machine.

In December 1995, Silvia and I found on the floor under Pascal*'s desk a small pile of slips. Apparently it had fallen from his disorderly desk top without him noticing it. Silva was picking it up and I had bent down, too, to help her. Since it was near the old wastepaper basket, it could have been something meant to be thrown away. As we looked through the papers to see what they were about, we saw they were invoices from the Vienna Scientology Church from which it could be seen that Pascal* had paid Scientology money in the amount of at least 300,000 shillings (21,800 Euro).

We were both speechless for a time, and then decided not to tell Pascal*'s parents, who had already suffered for years from his Scientology activities, about the money. Even since then I've known that Scientology is not the church that it represents itself to be.

At that point I was not aware of how helpless I really was. It is only now becoming clear to me how any attempt at action by me was doomed to failure from the start. I could have counted on being threatened with divorce again from Pascal* if I started off in opposition to Scientology, so I was trying to handle things delicately.

I began by pampering him to give him a sense of security about the house.


I tried getting his non-Scientology friends to help him see that there was life worth living outside the cult. His family was in on this, and we tried to re-create a circle of friends for him in Piesting. Now and then I tried inviting Pascal*'s parents over for Sunday coffee or brunch, or the other way, we would arrange visits to his parents, his sister, or with friends. In the same way we invited my sister and her husband, their children and parents, or drove to their place or did something else together. Besides that I like having guests and friends around; they enrich one's life. We had barbecue parties in the summer to which we now and again invited Scientologists so as not to be too obvious. At such gathering we basically made no distinctions between Scientologists and non-Scientologists, since most of them were my very good friends, anyway. "Were", but no longer; I was very surprised about that right after the divorce. Back then, however, I had to reckon on the Scientologists being in our environment for a certain amount of time. Later on I learned I had done it exactly the way cult counselors recommend in such cases, but my success was not permanent.

Naturally, from Pascal*'s point of view the job of buying provisions for the barbecue party fell to me, just like all our shopping. When I asked him whether he could help me the Saturday before the party, at least to carry the cases of beer and mineral water, he told me he didn't have time because he was going to drive to the →Org on Saturday. Once again we had a fight because the Scientologists were more important to him than buying food. After much discussion he consented under protest to help me. Afterwards he always held it against me.


After a while this situation got too tight for him, and he started driving more to the →Org. They called him countless times, including late at night. Mostly it was women who didn't even introduce themselves that called up and addressed me in familiar language ("duzen"), even though they didn't know me. I stopped keeping track of them after the count of different callers reached thirty. I repeatedly complained to Pascal* about these calls and about their manner and asked what these women wanted with him. One time I called up the →Org in Vienna and complained about the calls. I told them that Pascal* was married now and that these calls, especially at such a late hour, would no longer be taken. I was definitely quite jealous, too.

"Jealousy is the largest factor in breaking up marriages. Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person, and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden communication lines and will do anything to try to uncover them. This acts upon the other partner to make him feel that his communication lines are being cut; for he thinks himself entitled to have open communication lines, whereas his marital partner insists that he shut many of them." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 66)

The entire time we were together only two men called me up, two friends of a bygone era, who stated their names, too. The calls from Pascal*'s female "friends" never stopped. Not even on Mother's Day afternoon, when, at my suggestion, we had invited our mothers over for coffee and cake, was there peace. Even then two calls came one after the other from the →Org in Vienna. Nothing helped, we simply couldn't get away from it. At the time, of course, I was not aware that constant telephone calls are the Scientology practice when they are under the presumption that one of their members possibly wants to leave.


Pascal* was systematically assigned a new schedule. He was to no longer have time for his wife, family or friends. No more time for talking with these people.

"Communication is the root of marital success from which a strong union can grow, and non-communication is the rock on which the ship will bash out her keel." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 64)

Instead of doing anything with me, he had more and more contact with his Scientology friends, with his →auditors, who function as a kind of thought police, who leave no rock unturned in their members' lives, who alter their world of thought to the point of completely controlling people - a process that can continue for years.

Financial developments in Pascal*'s company were turning ever more dramatic. At the end of 1996, Pascal* added a third worker at Z's urging and against my judgment, who we really could not pay. In December 1996, wage expenses for the other two workers and for me, plus Christmas bonuses came to about 150,000 shillings (10,900 Euro). We could not pay that, so I tried for the umpteenth time to have a realistic talk with Pascal* about his company and his constantly mounting debts. I also addressed the profitability of the company. Absolutely nothing came of it. He only told me all the more I had →counter-intentions and was only enjoying myself with the negative numbers. He said the thing I wanted the most was to see his company fail. I was surprised that my husband could have such an opinion about me, his wife. I reassured him that I loved him and that I really had in mind putting an end to his senseless debts and I wanted him to have progress with his company.


Pascal* had training in a good profession, and with a few night classes he certainly could have made good money as a craftsman, especially in this day and age, when many people put a high value on the quality of handicraft. He had trained to be a cabinet-maker in Vo-Tech school in Mödling.

Since I didn't know what else to do I asked Silvia, who was just as familiar with the company's financial situation as I was, to help me convince him of an intelligent solution. We spoke with him nearly four hours, and gained nothing other than making ourselves weary. Too strong was the influence of Z., who told him again and again that I had →considerations and →counter-intentions, and like Karin had supposedly done before, I was only →dramatizing everything.

Despite all the problems in our operation, Pascal* had no trouble finding time for Margit M. when she asked him to renovate her bathroom. I went along to help him; it was the 1996 Christmas season. As a counter-gesture she offered me some of her slimness wrappings. I was curious and thought it couldn't hurt to take off a few pounds, although the people who knew me have always said I have a good figure. Margit's method was called the "Victoria Morton Body Wrap" and comes from the USA. She learned it from Victoria Morton, who is also a Scientologist and who lives in Clearwater, Florida, a Scientology headquarters. The method was said to be forty years old and allegedly goes back to the ancient Egyptians. Five to ten whole body wraps are supposed to bring about a significant reduction of girth, but there is not necessarily an accompanying loss in weight, Margit told me. Most of the times she wrapped me personally; two or three times her assistant Johanna stood in for her. Margit used each of these as an opportunity to talk about Scientology. She didn't give up trying to convert me. She said it was Pascal*'s goal to become →clear, and if I were to stand in his way, he would separate from me.


"theta clear. An individual who in Scientology processing has attained the certainty of his identity as a being apart from that of the body. The terms clear, clearing, etc. originally came into use by analogy to an adding machine. If some numbers are held down in the machine, then in adding a column of figures one arrives at the wrong answers. If the held-down numbers are then cleared, one arrives at correct answers." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 34)

She began from the legs up and bound my hips, stomach, chest and arms up to my head. Tight enough, she said, so that the water would be pressed out of the cloth. Besides that she used elastic strips that had been soaked in a big pot of water. And this water was something special - "Goldwater" created with the secret formula from Victoria Morton. Once my head and body were completely encased, I had plastic baggies put over my feet and hands, fastened with rubber bands, in which the water pressed out of the cloth was to collect. Water did actually drip into the baggies, and it was dirty, but that was probably from the wet bandages. A yellow poncho, the kind that little children wear to school in the rain, was put over my head, and over top of that was put a warm night robe. Then I had to dance and hop around in the studio to music for an hour. As was done before the treatment, measurements were also taken at ten points from thighs to neck after each session. The centimeters that had been wrapped away were calculated and noted. Somehow I got the impression that Margit held the measuring tape more loosely before the procedure than she did afterwards.


Don't shower for two days so that the Goldwater could work its way into my skin, were her parting instructions. Without giving it a second thought, I went straight home and took a shower. Pascal* was outraged because he thought I had undone Margit's work.

Like Remaill-Technik, Victoria Morton Body Wrap and Günther S's "Tock" company were organized as franchises. Margit was probably the master franchiser in Austria, because she offered me a part of the Vienna operation for which I would pay her for her the know-how and for the license.

I learn about the "Science in Scientology"

I was repeatedly subjected to attempts at recruitment by Margit and her friends. She came more to the point in her conversations by telling me that the longer I refused to become a Scientologist, the greater the chance Pascal* would leave me.

This began another problematic segment of our marriage, and I gradually understood that if I wanted to understand my husband, that I would have to venture into the enemy's camp.

One of Margit M's good friends told me she would be willing to help me understand the basics about the "Science about Scientology." She is really very nice, like all the Scientologists I met, always polite and accommodating, at least to start off with. She always had a smile on her face. I read from the Scientology books with her for hours. In doing that I had to read aloud, just like in grade school. If I stumbled while reading, then I would have to read the whole sentence over again. If it happened that in my exhaustion - these sessions always took place in the evenings after a strenuous day at work - I stumbled over too many sentences, then I might have to even read the whole paragraph over again. I didn't receive a sensible explanation for what I was doing. Attempts were made to talk me into believing that the only reason I stumbled while reading was because I had come across a word I did not understand.


So we did "word-clearing," which means I looked at the Scientology definitions, had to read through each one of them, then I had to use my own words to define the word and act out what I was saying with the little knickknacks I mentioned before.

After a total of four weeks these pretensions were over with and for several months peace prevailed in the marriage of Pascal* and Ilse.

To the ever reappearing question of what I had against Scientology I consistently responded with two standard sentences: it cost money Pascal* and I did not have and were not likely to have soon, and secondly, I was bothered by the enormous waste of time, time that was being denied to me as a spouse and time that was not being spent with family.

For tactical reasons I never talked about what bothered me most, namely, having to watch the personality changes in my husband. I tried to stop or dilute these changes in Pascal* myself in that I consistently tried to talk them over with him.

"A conversation is the process of alternating outflowing and inflowing communication [...]. There is a basic rule here: He who would outflow must also inflow -- he who would inflow must also outflow. When we find this rule overbalanced in either direction, we discover difficulty." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, pp. 151-152)

Nearly all these well-intentioned conversations that started off well ended in stupid arguments. It always hinged on whose truth was true: My truth is more true than yours, it cannot be that your truth is more true than mine. I had talked myself into the hope that I would find a way to Pascal*'s Self, and that I should never give up, otherwise the marriage and our life together would fail. That did not get us any further along.


As 1997 started we had no more space in the office for the new year's files, so we had to reorganize and decide which files could be put down into the basement. I had to set up a whole new series of folders, which I really wanted to do to keep track of things. As a result, a visit to the office supplies store was necessary to buy folders, separator sheets, alphabet tabs, baskets, etc. Simply put, a rather large purchase. We had planned to make this trip to the store, which would include much carrying, together on Saturday morning. As we were getting ready - I was just putting on my shoes - A., a Scientologists and Pascal*'s fellow mountain climber, called Pascal* up and asked if he had time to go climbing in the mountains a little bit, for January the weather was so unseasonably fine and warm. In my presence Pascal* agreed and said he could be ready right away, that A should wait for him at eleven o'clock in the Vienna-Neustadt train station and they would go climbing.

I was terribly upset and pointed out to Pascal* that we had agreed to go together to buy the things he needed for his office. He just said he thought that I could go get those things alone, and that he now wanted to go climbing with his friend. At which point I again pointed out that we had decided on doing this almost a week before and I didn't want to be stuck fetching and carrying again while he enjoyed his leisure time. That would not do at all as far as I was concerned. He got horribly upset and said I couldn't stand his friends, especially the Scientologists.


On the contrary, I liked some of friends a lot. What bothered me was his constantly putting me and my interests behind those of his friends. That was something I, as his wife who always put the interests of her husband first, did not expect. He never saw anything wrong with putting me off that way. If the situation didn't suit me it was always my fault, never his.

Some of his non-Scientologist friends were still annoyed with him because he just didn't take things he should have done for them seriously. Whatever he was supposed to do for Scientologists always took precedence. Their work came first and then, maybe, his old friends were next. As far as I know he never even started the work on a wash basin for our landlord, although he had needed it for an exhibition. For his friend Z., however, he constructed a little chest with a sliding front, and did it with the tiles he had received as advance payment for the wash basin. I pointed out to Pascal* that he didn't treat his friends the same, and that he took the one more seriously than he did the other. He could not →confront that, so he had his fit of temper in which he chided and upset me. He never showed any regret for upsetting me. No, he always blamed me for not understanding him and his friends.

However sometimes he treated his customers very peculiarly. For instance, one time he got a contract to resurface the laboratory doors of a big pharmaceutical operation. These doors led into the sterile rooms, so they had to be carefully handled, but they were just lying around in the crowed workshop. One day the architect for the pharmaceutical business came over unannounced to ask when the doors were finally going to be ready. In doing so he saw them lying around and determined that the workshop was only an old garage without a special lacquer spraying room, which made him dreadfully upset.


The doors couldn't be surfaced with the Remaill-Technik process at all, because they were made out of wood, not enamel; the surface would have been bubbled and uneven. Shortly after the architect's visit someone came to fetch them although the job had not been done.

In May 1997 we had a terrible fight that began with me saying that the truth he and his friends found in Scientology was rather expensive, not only in financial terms, but also in loss to family unity and trust. During the course of the argument, Pascal* steadily got more aggressive whereby he threw two full bottles of beer on the kitchen floor. Afterwards he took my son's dart board and smashed it. Things were not looking good for us. Even worse was the helplessness I had to share with my husband when he could argue no longer and could neither refute nor tolerate the truth about the machinations of his "friends."

The bottles of beer were either left over from one of our barbecue parties or from the case of beer I kept under the cellar steps for to provide a cool drink as a little reward for when my father-in-law mowed the lawn.

Pascal* very rarely drank alcohol, and when he did, it was with a bad conscience. When he planned on driving to the →Org the next day, he of course never drank alcohol.

Sometimes I liked to share one with him in the evening if it went with the meal, but a whole bottle was too much for me. He never drank alcohol with me, only with his friends. Once his Scientologist friend Helmut P. was visiting. He had brought a double-liter of white wine from Neusiedler Lake with him. The two of them played guitar and drank the whole bottle. I was not invited because I don't drink white wine.


When we were newlyweds, Pascal* once told me that when he was sixteen years old he used to ride around with his friends and get drunk, but he didn't do that any more now that he was in Scientology. There he had been saved from his ruin, otherwise he would have become an alcoholic.[24]

In my opinion the whole story was ridiculous and contrived, Scientology-style. His mother, who spoke quite openly to me, had never told me anything like that. He had probably been talked into it, another reason for →auditing. Pascal* was quite simply no longer in the position to relate to reality.

After this outbreak of aggression, I started having concerns for the first time about my own safety. What would happen when breaking objects no longer satisfied his aggression, would he let loose on me one day? I was afraid about what was going to happen before he understood what his "religion" and his friends had made out of him

At the time I didn't tell anyone about the incident. Pascal* was the one who couldn't hold back and he told his sister right away when I threw a can of hair spray on the floor in anger. On another occasion he threw a jar of nails and screws against the wall in his workshop. He let the shards and screws lie. Gerhard, our employee, asked me what happened in the morning after, and I told him the truth. Objects began flying through the air more frequently with us. Once it was a coffee cup against the tile wall in the kitchen, another time it was a book.

Once when we were fighting in June 1997, the next day Pascal* came home with the idea that we should have a "marriage handling" with Scientology. Behind this phrase lurked a type of seminar for married people, similar to psychological marriage counseling, which Pascal*, of course, had refused.


I didn't want to be against something again, and so I went along with it. After a couple of days, we drove to the →Org in Vienna when we had some time in the evening. Doris F., the director, said that we could go to a marriage seminar or receive →auditing in Hamburg. It would only cost 37,000 shillings (2,690 Euro). She suggested that we take the night train to Hamburg, attend the marriage seminar the next day, and take the night train back to Vienna. That way we would waste as little time as possible. I immediately said that was too expensive for me, and that in view of our financial situation, we couldn't afford it. Upon this the both of them stared at me quite disgruntledly. No idea why, I just told them the truth. F. then suggested that we ask around in our family about a "money flow." She meant we should borrow money from relatives. I refused to do that on moral grounds.

Two days later Margit M. gave me a call and told me we could also get the marriage seminar in Vienna for 2.500 shillings (182 Euro). I asked her how the difference in price could be explained. She answered that a "highly trained" auditor gave the marriage seminar in Hamburg, but in Vienna we could do it with a minister of the Scientology Church in the so-called Public Division. Aha, I thought to myself, these fantasy prices do not have to be so high after all. You just have to put up a little defense and they'll find another way to get you to go along with Scientology.

It fell through for an entirely other reason. I would never agree to holding onto the →e-meter in the session. For one thing I'm afraid of electricity (I shocked myself once as a child), and for another I quite simply found the thing grotesquely ridiculous. Alfred W., our "spiritual auditor," immediately said that he could not do marriage auditing if I did not believe there was any sense to the e-meter.


He said he would not be able to recognize where I had "charge." I understood "charge" to be a problem he wanted to find with me. I stuck to my guns: marriage counseling yes, →e-meter no. In a different room my husband set about taking away my →engram with electricity, and he got me to hold on to the e-meter when it was turned off. I went along with it, on which account he chalked up a big success for himself.

"A vital part of success is the ability to handle and control, not only one's tools of the trade, but the people with whom one is surrounded." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 67)

We never did do the marriage seminar in Vienna, even though Pascal* had paid for it. Every fight we had after I refused to use the →e-meter he said it was my fault that we had not done the marriage seminar.

During that summer there was an "event" [25] which had to do with seeing how many crimes psychiatrists and psychologists could be incriminated with in addition to the ones that had allegedly been already exposed. I was always appalled by these gatherings because I felt my integrity as a trained nurse was under attack. Pascal* would attempt to ask me about the things I had seen in the course of my training and of my job. He would always start off with these questions, and I tried over and over to explain to him that medical practitioners were not criminals. Of course he never believed me; the "knowledge" that had been conferred upon him by Scientology was too strong. That was his truth. I asked him not to go to this "event." Of course he went anyway.

These "events" were arranged by the CCHR (Citizens Commission on Human Rights), aka KVPM (Kommission für Verstöße der Psychiatrie gegen Menschenrechte), although that name was hardly ever used.


These organizations were founded by Scientology and are almost exclusively engaged in criticism of psychiatry. In essence CCHR is nothing more than a recruiting agency for Scientology. One of their lectures go approximately as follows:

The psychiatrists first invented themselves at the beginning of the 20th century, and then they invented the Holocaust, which without them of course would never have been possible, then they invented gas chambers. Psychiatrists are true sex monsters who have many extramarital relationships with patients, often with more than one at the same time -- and they get paid for this too, because it occurs during working hours. Psychiatry is not a science and has therefore established itself with support from psychology, chiropractic, and other non-sciences. Psychiatrists and their collaborators destroy whole people or at least individual organs either by psychopharmaceuticals or by surgical removal. Among the speakers for CCHR are doctors. I have to ask myself how a doctor could bring his colleagues into so much discredit.

The Financial crisis

Sometimes I had nothing other than love, which Pascal* always made into something laughable, to get me to fight for a better future and wait for the day he would realize what I really wanted for him.

In Summer 1997 Pascal* wanted to expand his business to include a product line from the "Quorum" company. With Z. he drove to a meeting to learn about Quorum's structured distribution products.


That evening he returned in a complete Euphoria and explained to me how magnificent the things were that he wanted to sell from now on, but mainly about all the money he would be making to →handle his debts. Naturally at the time I did not know what structured distribution - also called multi-level marketing - was or how it functioned. As with much else, I didn't learn about that until after the divorce.

The basic idea of structured distribution is to constantly recruit new people who will also sell the wonderful product. You, as the recruiter, get a certain percentage of your people's sales. So those who have recruited enough people can kick back and let the money roll in. It is my experience that Scientologists have a special preference for multi-level marketing, because it agrees with their concept of "making" money (see p. 21).

Several days after the evening with Quorum one of Pascal*'s Scientology friends, Athea, came for a visit completely unexpectedly. She brought us a do-it-yourself alarm system with accessories, along with instructions for assembly. Pascal* was supposed to try to sell these alarm systems. He didn't manage to do that, though, because none of our acquaintances wanted anything to do with this non-brand name product. Quorum is a structured operation, built like a pyramid scheme. Every worker is an independent contractor and has to buy the wares -- a predetermined quantity every month. The Quorum company products included security and entertainment systems, as well as cosmetics. I succeeded in the ensuing debates to convince Pascal* that he did not have enough money to store ten televisions and ten alarm systems in our garage. Besides that, who was going to buy them?


Were we supposed to have a garage sale? What would actually happen if there were complaints? Who would be responsible then? Who would repair a television or an alarm system?

Once again he was very angry. For lack of any argument, he accused me of not liking his "friend" Athea, that was it, I was jealous of her and therefore had →counter-intentions. Besides that I was a →Suppressive. I never wavered though, and the Quorum episode passed us happily by. His accusations went on for a while longer, but by then I was long accustomed to being a →Suppressive with →counter-intentions. He could insult me if he wanted, rant and scold me as much as he wanted, I had made up my mind to remain strong for us and the family.

In August 1997, the company account at Volksbank was 700,000 shillings (50,900 Euro) overdrawn, but the bank gave him a loan of 400,000 shillings (29,000 Euro) along with an overdraft allowance of 300,000 shillings (21,800 Euro), strangely enough with no collateral or other security.

Some of the financial difficulties we had in Summer 1997 came about as a result of having dismissed a worker in May. His work was unreliable and he simply had no work ethic. From February to May the complaints had increased dramatically. The time we had to spend taking care of the complaints, of course, was lost production time.

Since by that point in time I no longer had any intelligent access to Pascal*'s world of thought I asked Gabriela P., a Scientologist he listened to and trusted, to come over for a chat. I took advantage of a purely coincidental call from her.


She was over to see us the next day and had time for a five-hour chat. She seemed very reasonable to me and said a few things that sounded like we should do them. In any case, Pascal* listened to her. In this and a follow-up meeting we agreed to work out a budget. I was to be responsible for the finances, and could now say what would and what would not be spent.

He never went along with that though, nor with the agreement that we would have a "finance meeting" once a week from that point on. As of October 20, 1998, when I was thrown out of the office, we had only three of those meeting - although it had been agreed upon to have them at a fixed time every week.

Here is an example for his disregard of the agreement that I should manage the company's finances and be responsible for expenses: Z. wanted to get company letterhead paper printed but needed a minimum amount for the price to be 80 groschen (0.6 Euro) per piece, as opposed to the normal price, which was almost double that. Therefore all Austrian franchisers had to order letterhead paper, whether they needed it or not. As I was the one in the office who was responsible for placing this order, I told Z's wife Sonia, also a Scientologist of course, that 4,000 sheets of letterhead would easily last us for the next two years. This was a need we did not have and I would therefore not place an order. Soon after, Z. called Pascal*, who was with customers, on his cell phone and told him that he was not honoring the Remaill-Technik agreement, that everybody had to order letterhead paper, including him, and that he should →handle his wife. In the week that followed 16,500 sheets of Remaill-Technik poor-quality letterhead were delivered to us at a time when the company's balance sheets were fully in the red.


Pascal*'s father once said he regarded Z. as a fraud because he had done Pascal* out of a large amount of money in the 1992 dissolution of the company. He could not understand his son continuing to do business with Z. In 1992 Pascal* made himself independent, whereas before Remaill-Technik was purely Z's operation.

Nevertheless Z. continued to meddle in everything. His instructions came mostly by telephone or fax. He only seldom arrived personally, when it was for something especially important, like in 1998 when he wanted to talk Pascal*'s mother into guaranteeing another loan for him. She didn't go to the meeting herself because she did not like Z. and never sat at the same table with him.

Z. had perhaps well-founded fears that the family could win in the battle over Pascal*. Pascal*, however, would never escape the clutches of Scientology as long as he let Z. interfere in his life. He treated Pascal* in any way he liked and Pascal*, who otherwise always defended himself, would utter not one word. He let anything his "friend" wanted happen to him and either did not see or did not want to see how he was being manipulated.

We could not win the ongoing battle over Pascal* between Z. on the one side and Pascal*'s parents, Karin and me on the other side because Z. waged it with unfair means. These included exertion of constant influence and arousing false hopes that everything would improve if Pascal* would only separate himself from the →Suppressive Persons that were currently in his environment. It was only in that way that he could achieve total freedom. Scientology has a theory that every person has their own game in life and loves to play this game. One of these games was entirely devoted to permanently disconnecting Pascal* from his family, a source of criticism of Scientology.


The beginning of the end

The bookkeeping work was taken away from me October 20, 1998. Z. Sr. and Jr. had advised Pascal* to do this, because I was said to be generally disorderly, hadn't been paying bills and was spending too little time in the office. Within the two hours it took me to do our usual purchasing in Vienna Neustadt, all bookkeeping files for the year of 1998, the cash books as well as the cash itself were brought to Z. Jr.'s corporation. The two Z's explained to me that effective immediately their company would be doing the bookkeeping for Pascal*'s company -- for free. After I brought it to Pascal*'s attention that I received part of my income from his company, he said I could continue to have my money. However I have not received a single shilling from the company since October 20, 1998, nor did Pascal* give me money for the house. When I would explicitly state that we needed money for groceries then he would throw me a bill, most of the time it was 1,000 shillings (72 Euro). When customers paid cash, he would bring it in a plastic cake box to Z. on one of his customary semi-weekly trips there. Z. would divide the money up for him. In the first month Z. did the bookkeeping, personal withdrawals came to 40,000 shillings (2,900 Euro). That much had never been withdrawn in a month's time while I was the bookkeeper.

We were fighting more than ever, of course those discussions included the disappearing money. He would scream at me if I asked what happened to the money and tell me it was no longer any of my business, that I couldn't use that excuse anymore. He said he wanted a divorce to free himself of me once and for all. I brought it to his attention that divorce was not an option with me. I still felt bound by our vows to stay together for better or for worse.


He only yelled at me that he wanted a divorce. From October 20th, I never received one kind word from him. When I tried to appease him and offer to reconcile things, he would block me out. If I did not immediately give up, he would only shout all the more.

As of October 20th he no longer slept in our bed, but on the blue sofa in the living room. He did spend two nights in bed during this time, presumably because it was too cold for him in the living room. Once I touched his shoulder as a gesture that I was still his wife who kept his wishes and would always love him. He simply pushed me away. After a while I asked him why he had not filed for divorce if that was apparently what he wanted to do. He answered he didn't have the time for that.

He continued to accuse me of lying and of wanting only to destroy him and take his friends from him. In doing this he called me a →Suppressive Person who had been dramatizing his life, and he said he could no longer put up with me.

I sought help and advice from our friends. I went to Margit and to Gabriela, who both offered help, but he would have nothing to do with it. Both, of course, were Scientologists, because we no longer had any of the other friends. If it were today I would take care not to ask them, but back then I still believed it was possible to save our marriage.

I also sought support from Pascal*'s parents and his sister. While they were indeed willing to help me, things soon got to be too much for them. They didn't understand many of our marriage problems -- how could they? Today they take Pascal*'s side against me, which I understand and respect. They probably couldn't believe everything I told them the many times I wept before Pascal*'s parents.


Possibly they didn't understand what I meant, or perhaps they thought I was exaggerating. Pascal* only said I was crazy and told his parents it was my fault, of course, that the marriage broke up. I can understand that such occurrences do not happen and are not understood in families that have nothing to do with Scientology. Some of my narratives may have sounded unrealistic to them. But I didn't lie to my parents-in-law. I don't want to further intrude into a family that is already suffering from Scientology and its affect on their lives together, therefore I have not kept up contact with my former in-laws. I'm still very sorry that our relationship was broken off.

I will not take back my objections and accusations against Z. Pascal* received the divorce order on Z's company letterhead. Z. was a constant third party to our marriage. It was as if he was always there, whispering into Pascal*'s ear what to do next.

On the evening of November 30, 1998 Pascal* spit toothpaste water into my face during a violent argument. Two days before he had thrown a newspaper into my face in anger. Another time he tried to pull my black scarf tight around my neck. My attorney and I reported these incidents at the Wöllersdorf police station. They asked me if I wanted to press charges against my husband. I didn't do it because I loved my husband.

On December 1, 1998 I filed for divorce. As grounds I gave that he is a Scientologist and used his money exclusively for Scientology and - for me a very serious reason - that he refused to have a child with me.


Pascal* accused me after the divorce of having selected my attorney for the purpose of finally destroying him, as she had previously wreaked considerable loss upon Scientology. It is true in fact that she was recommended to me because of her previous legal success against Scientology.

He was afraid that the story of our divorce would be published and he accused me of threatening to have the story printed in a big news magazine. He was concerned that its publication would cause him difficulties with Scientology. That led to him unselectively hurling all kinds of accusations at me. Sometimes I thought he no longer knew the meaning of what he was saying. It was not his own statements and his own thoughts that came from him, it was from Scientology. I never threatened him, but he construed everything I said in the divorce proceedings as a threat. I was constantly amazed at how one sentence, at the snap of a finger, could be completely misunderstood and how this reinterpretation was then spread around.

Here the Scientologists are truly masters of their craft: "Black Propaganda," the defamation of →Suppressive Persons, is one of their tools of trade.

On December 13, 1998 I moved out of our common dwelling in Piesting Market and settled in at my mother's, as she had agreed to this. My moving out couldn't happen quickly enough for Pascal*. He even helped me to carry some of my boxes.

It wasn't so easy, though, to say good-bye to my parents-in-law. I didn't even know if they would open the door for me. It hurt me that these honest upstanding people had to suffer from the effects of this corporate cult. They deserved to have peace and a happy life in their old age, not constant anxieties and fears about their son and his steadily growing financial problems.


As parting words to my husband the day I moved out, I told him that all my efforts to find a way back to his original self, back to the Pascal* his family and his friends once liked, had failed. I had often made an effort to show him another way, laboring in love. I had looked for that one argument in all our disputes -- but it had been in vain. Pascal* lived a programmed life for a whole new world with its own rules, for an allegedly free SELF sometime in the future.

"There is a basic rule that a psychotic person is concerned with the past, a neurotic person is barely able to keep up with the present, and a sane person is concerned with the future." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 100)

His method of thinking, however, made it increasingly difficult to reconcile himself with the real world and to think self-determinedly. An invisible wall towered between him and reality. A fatal result of having his life pre-programmed by Scientology with rules he had to keep under any circumstances was his alienation from people who loved him and still love him. He was held in this condition by his "religion." Pascal* the person was reborn through a complete change in personality and a radical break with the past. Scientology has either banned or given new content to the words love, understanding, security and truth in the vocabulary of this new person. Humans are regarded as disposable objects. Pascal*, as I learned at the end of our marriage, could no longer smile, he could only wear a frozen Scientology grin. He could neither love nor conceive of having been loved.


The parting stroke

I began by looking in the self-help section and buying books about cults, about Scientology, about anything that seemed related. I had nobody to ask about background, nobody who could understand my situation. My parents-in-law were very nice, but of course they didn't have the factual knowledge I so urgently needed.

I had to hide books about Scientology at my friends' houses. From one of these books I learned the address of the cult center at the archdiocese of Vienna. I made an appointment there and discovered what I could expect for the future of my marriage. As I was departing, the words that stayed with me were "Mrs. Hruby, continue as long as you are in a position to do so."

Later I sought out other counseling centers where I was disappointed with some, but had very good experiences with others.

Pascal* was becoming increasingly inaccessible to me, always colder. From one second to the next he could change so that it was suddenly like I was talking to a brick wall. It was impossible to continue speaking to him this way. Any attempt in this situation was senseless, he was no longer listening. When he was on the telephone to Z., he used a kind of jargon so that I wouldn't understand what he was talking about. I knew very well that Z. often talked me down to Pascal*. For instance at a meeting in Berlin Z. railed on about me in front of an assembled crowd. Today he says he was talking about himself. Hard to believe that from a being who regards himself so well as to be the greatest.


When Pascal* becomes →clear, he will be told, "You have made the breakthrough. Continue this way, you are one of the chosen people who can make a →clear planet and save the earth. You are the chosen Thetan (→OT) we have been looking for; the universe awaits you. For you the Bridge to total spiritual freedom begins now. There is just one detail, first we would like to have the contents of your wallet, that is only right for you; if you have savings in the bank, it is much better for you if you transfer it to us. Besides that you will take out a loan from the bank, after all, it is to save the planet -- for us -- but you knew that already!!"

How do we outsiders know whether it's not really that way or if we aren't really among the unsaved? Is is possible we are foregoing our future lives on a "clear planet Earth" and an existence in a universe in which there is no war, no drugs, no crime, no atom bombs and no psychiatrists? What are we really doing without when we pass up a life without a →reactive mind? Don't we also want to be people who are free from psychosomatic illness? Could it be possible that we have unjustly condemned the only savior of humanity, Mr. L. Ron Hubbard, not to mention the 2,000 years people wasted on the Messiah? Are we now committing this mistake for the second time?

These are the questions I asked myself seriously and that I mulled over from the Scientology point of view for Pascal*'s sake and for which I took three little courses. But after all I've had to go through with the man I loved so much, I can no longer believe in these things.

At this point some people are probably asking why I kept quiet for so long.


I kept quiet out of a false sense of loyalty to my husband. If I would have talked about the truth of this organization's social goals at an earlier point in time, then the extremely small chance I had to get my husband, who I loved very much, out, would have been next to nil. Merely conceiving of a situation in which you keep quiet against your better knowledge is surely difficult for some people. Back then, though, it was the only chance I had, and it also served to protect me.

I had to leave in my husband's awareness no trace that I had realized the fact that his Self was a product of his friends and no longer his self-determined Self.

His friends, especially Z., forced the separation between Pascal* and Ilse. Z., according to what others say, was also to blame for the break-up of Pascal*'s first relationship. Here I publicly accuse him of causing my separation from Pascal* my husband, who says that he still loves me, just the same as I have not stopped loving him.

What I have left are the things I've accused myself of, of not having enough patience, of having left my husband too soon, and of having wrongly left an entire family. However, I cannot help those who do not want to help themselves.

My husband was never interested in following a path together with someone else -- only one path was really important to him, and he intended to use me for his own interests.

Based on the written documentation available to mefs, I risk saying that the marriage between Pascal* and Ilse Hruby was arranged in 1995 just as was the Hruby/Hruby divorce in 1999.


I am convinced that the dissolution of our marriage was planned from afar, planned by a regime that acts completely undemocratically and which our society suffers out of falsely perceived tolerance. This was done with the collaboration of those who thought it not appropriate that on the side of Pascal* was a person, who, come what may, was absolutely not ready to join the totalitarian philosophy of the Scientologists. Today I am proud of having been able to retain my Self and my self-determined thinking.

Ilse Hruby
in the Summer of 2000



[1] In the "Handbuch des ehrenamtlichen Geistlichen" ("Volunteer Ministers Handbook") LRH (L. Ron Hubbard) expressly recommends that his adherent go into public hospitals. Translated from page 119 of the German version, "While you are simply walking through the hospital, you will here and there see some people in their rooms who are dejected. You can stay with each one for a few minutes and to give an Assist" (a type of emergency assistance). In the same chapter it says, translated, "If you give someone ... an Assist without slipping a your card into his pocket, you have committed a mistake," and "Don't ask people for permission. Just do it." (p. 95) About the role of Volunteer Minister it says, among other things, "On visits to the hospital he bolsters the patients' hopes by showing them the way to full recuperation through counseling and study in Scientology." (p. LII)

[2] Work hours for paid staff are, according to the "Brücke" (Vienna Scientology magazine) from 9 am to 10 pm with an hour off for lunch and supper; on Saturdays work ends in the afternoon.

[3] Ruth Minshull is a Scientology author who presents essential aspects of the Hubbard teachings in books and brochures that are easily understandable for non-Scientologists.

[4] This comparison to Buddhism (sometimes also to Hinduism or Taoism), as often as it is used, is another index, as indicated in the beginning of this book, for Scientology not being separable from its early days of the American business miracle. How many people back then were familiar with these Far East religions? Who would know the difference if Hubbard wrongly translated central concepts, such as Tao, (see Stephen Kent: Scientology und östliche religiöse Traditionen in" Berliner Dialog 1/97) or if his "postulates" ("Make money" etc.) stood in stark contrast to the central points of the teachings he supposedly assimilated.

[5] The process of taking out loans contradicts the Hubbard letter "Wie man mit Geld umgeht" ("How to deal with money"). There is says that people should not go into debt. On the other hand, investments in the future - and that is how courses have to be regarded - are permitted.

[6] Colloquial expression for the "Dianetics" book.

[7] Sea Org: Scientology's elite unit with the purpose of getting "ethics" (in the Scientology sense, naturally. ... author's note) in on the planet and the entire universe. (see DSTD p. 88.)

[8] Someone who causes upset between two people, between one person and a group, and between two groups ("Handbuch des ehrenamtlichen Geistlichen p. 753) - An important roll in Scientology theory, because, as it says, there must be a third party present in any disagreement, otherwise there would be no conflict. (DSTD p. 434) -- If it were only that simple!


[9] Naturally that also means that the Scientology image of a child forms the basis of all theory and practice. "A child is not a special species of animal distinct from Man. A child is a man or a woman who has not attained full growth. Any law which applies to the behavior of men and women applies to children." (L. Ron Hubbard, A New Slant on Life, Los Angeles 1976, p. 57)

[10] Scientologists do not just have to write these reports on other Scientologists, they have to write them on themselves or have a contact person do it, when they have problems.

[11] In Scientology there are different processes (called "assists") that are supposed to greatly improve a person's state of health. The process described is a "contact assist," which is supposed to immediately prevent possible future consequences the injury might have had.

[12] On vitamin dosages see the Ch. Problems of Auditing, FN 14.

[13] Volumes: in the so-called Red and Green Volumes Hubbard's policies are collect, all in all several meters of Hubbard texts. Pascal* probably had bought only a small portion of them.

[14] Statistics: see p. 30 (chapter on the Scientology performance society).

[15] Conditions. see ethics.

[16] Wog: Scientology slang for any non-Scientologist. Origin of the word: it came from the British slang designating a non-Brit in one of the English colonies. Abbreviation for "worthy oriental gentleman." (DSTD p. 112)

[17] Raw Meat: someone who has not yet received Scientology processing. (DSTD p. 335)

[18] While the better impression on customer presumably could have been another argument for Pascal* (Hubbard also stressed the importance of external appearance), it was presumably not for the children, because they are regarded by Scientologists as little adults.

[19] Confront something. Take something on, remove an obstacle. Spreading bad news is regarded as →suppressive. No Scientologist will willingly enter the influence of a suppressive so as to avoid becoming a "potential source of trouble." Therefore Scientologists normally do not watch news broadcasts. Each person can answer the question of how much these policies serve (or not) to isolate Scientologists from the outside world (and from reports critical of Scientology).


[20] Hat: slang for the title and the work of a post in the Scientology Church, derived from the utility hats of various professions. (DSTD p. 47)

[21]  According to Hubbard's "study technology," there are three basic obstacles to learning: a word was not understood or wrongly understood, important fundamentals are lacking, and the person cannot graphically demonstrate the concept correctly. All of this is described in detail using Scientology technical jargon. The little knickknacks are called a "demo kit" (for demonstration kit) and they are used for the last deficiency mentioned. Every Scientologist has to put one together and use it enthusiastically. In the statistics there are extra points given for each usage.

[22] Course supervision is done by people who have completed a course supervisor's course. Having done the material that the "students" are working on is not a requisite.

[23] IAS: International Association of Scientologists.

[24] According to testimony from former members they were convinced that without Scientology they would have been failures (many of these had to do with alcohol).

[25] "Event" here describes a presentation. It could also be used to mean a celebration. One characteristic of the Scientology jargon is a preference for English words.



There exists a comprehensive body of Scientology words that is put down into a specialized dictionary (1975 German edition: 577 pages), the DSTD: Dianetics and Scientology Technical Dictionary [German edition]. It includes words that are completely unique along with a vocabulary that is familiar, but has been redefined for Scientology. For instance, the word "bank" is not a financial institution, but a collection of mental image pictures whose removal is the goal of Scientology processing because it serves only as a burden and things go much better without the bank.
There are a great many abbreviations besides that have turned into their own words. Often these are abbreviations for (mostly positive) words from everyday speech (e.g., WISE: World Institute of Scientology Enterprises); the (programmed?) confusion is perfect!

is anyone who has not yet been "cleared" of the subconscious negative experiences in his past; therefore his thought and conduct deviate from rational behavior (see DSTD p. 1)
Hubbard wrote that all evil is caused by aberration (→HCOPL 15 Aug 66) in the material that deals with →Suppressives and suppression, thus confusing the concepts of healthy/sick with good/evil to the point of being indistinguishable.

according to the DSTD this is the activity of asking a question (...), getting an answer to this question and acknowledging the answer of a →:PC (a person on the lower end of the Scientology awareness scale, the so-called "Bridge" ... author's note). For problems associated with this procedure, see the appropriate chapter on p. 15.

For Scientologists this is an import part of communication. The words "good," "fine" and "OK" are used to lead people to understand that an action or statement has been perceived and noted. Its effect on newcomers is that of praise or agreement, but it is really nothing other than a confirmation that the message has been received. This does not necessarily mean that you agree with the message. (DSTD pp. 13 ff.)
acknowledging an experience: it is a routine procedure for Scientologists to write or narrate their "success reports." People are continually encouraged to report their "wins." When people do that (sometimes with a liberal dose of fantasy), then they are "acknowledged," that means public applause, congratulations and praise. In short, the "experience" is sealed in this way.


was at the beginning the ideal condition being strived for; a person who is no longer under the influence of past negative experiences, and who as a result can act intelligently and self-determinedly (so the wonderful theory goes); in the meantime this condition has turned into a sort of baseline from which humanness really begins in earnest.


a coined word, derived from the Greek for "through the soul"; encompasses the engram theory and the process of reaching the state of clear.

According to Hubbard there are various driving forces in life, e.g., the urge to survive: as self, as a sexual or bisexual undertaking, as a presence in a group of individuals, as a presence in humankind, as a presence in infinity. (DSTD p. 24) Scientologists simplify these names, for instance "2D" when they are speaking of the second dynamic. Normally they use that word as a synonym for spouse, or person with whom one is having a sexual relationship.

this does mean the performance of a theatrical piece. According to Hubbard →engrams require a certain method to discharge. Executing such a discharge is called dramatizing.

An electronic device in the style of a lie detector (only much simpler), which, according to Scientology teachings, can "measure" a person's "mental state." The device sends a weak electrical current through the body by means of two electrodes (tin cans) that are held in each hand. The needle is set on a gauge that supposedly indicates mental resistance. There is great doubt, however, about the accuracy of the needle movements.

emotional tone scale:
Even emotions are hierarchically standardized. In the emotional tone scale feelings like pain and anger are mixed with actions like "making amends" on a scale from 0.05 to 4.0 (from apathy to enthusiasm), or from -8.0 to 40.0 (from "hiding" to "serenity of beingness"). On this scale "making amends (0.375) and sympathy (0.9) are significantly below being numb (1.2) or boredom (2.5).

is a central theme in Scientology or Dianetics. It corresponds most closely to what psychology calls a dream. The influence, however, that Scientology ascribes to the sum of all the engrams accumulated in life (including "past lives") far exceeds the classic idea of traumatization. For this reason a person who is "cleared" of all engrams also supposedly attains unimaginable abilities and an unimaginable quality of life.


This word is also re-defined. In a nutshell, ethical is anything Scientology does (see p. 30 ff) But a Scientologist does not just live ethical or not, he is situated in a definite "ethics condition"; this is a scale for the quality of ethics. The zero point is "non-existence." Below that are conditions like "enemy" or "doubt" down to "confusion." Going upward, you start with "danger" and "emergency" and go up to "power." The ethics condition is determined by the →statistics of the who or whatever is being categorized.
In order to get from one condition to the next higher, there are "formulas." The "formula for the condition of treason" goes something like, "Find out that you are." (Introduction to Scientology Ethics, [German edition] p. 104, called the "ethics book" in the text.
Another important pillar of the system are the "knowledge reports" (see p. 58, along with the internal system of justice with "courts," punishments, etc. Another important building block are "ethic orders" by which a defined "condition," a misdemeanor or a crime can be handed down for people. The consequences of these can be serious for a devout Scientologist (such as if no auditing is allowed).

A method of operation in retail sales by which a business sells its product through a retailer licensed to do so.

abbreviation for Field Staff Member. A Scientologist who contributes to the expansion of Scientology by recruiting new applicants. He creates a desire for a service and selects the person for this service (Volunteer Ministers Handbook [German edition] p. 756). Of course he is then rewarded with a commission. There are also "games" arranged so that the best FSM gets an award. An FSM doesn't have to be a person; a company can also function as one. That is how the Business Success company obtains a high number of points in "games," similarly to the MLM system, see p. 21

"Intention" in Scientology is more than just a plan or a purpose; the word also means the power behind the purpose. Counter-intentions are presumed to exist if something does not run as it should. Either the Scientologist himself is blocking it out in his own mind or someone else is blocking it. Counter-intentions are primarily ascribed to people who have a critical viewpoint. Intentions and counter-intentions are related to →postulates and considerations.

Abbreviation for Hubbard Communication Office Bulletin / Policy. These are policies. For →HCOPLs it says in the DSTD that the are permanently valid distributions of all technology. Their validity are "independent of their date or age."


handle (handhaben in German):
is a much used word among Scientologists, derived from the English word "handle." It's spectrum of meanings range from "to deal with something", "cope with something", and "manage someone" or "manage something."

Also a word very often heard from the mouths of Scientologists, it mean "the ability to comfortably be there and observe" (DSTD p. 53), that means to remain passive and to feel at ease regardless of what is happening in front of you. It is one of the basic abilities that Scientologists have and/or train themselves to do.

Shortened for of (Scientology) organization. The word describes the physical location of the house or building of the local establishment. That is where courses are usually given, but it also serves as a communication center for the Scientologists.

An abbreviation for Operating Thetan. That is Scientology's self-made word for their superhuman, for whom everything is more or less possible. There is also a graduated system here describing the individual steps of awareness; the top end of this scale is currently left open.

Personality Test:
also called the OCA (Oxford Capacity Analysis), consists of 200 questions, some of which are very intimate. After the test is graded, the subject is showed a graph that allegedly shows the strengths and deficits of personality.
The test, which has no connection to the university of the same name so far as has been detected, is the most import way the Scientologists have of recruiting people. Its name and its graph suggests there is something scientific about it, but, in the past, it has been regarded by some as dangerous for people with certain mental dispositions (STA Munich 115 Js 4298/84 decision of 24 April 1986).
The following expert testimony supports the idea that the test is really a deliberate form of unfair competition, "Through the inadequate (or deliberately wrong) interpretation of the Oxford Personality Test, three of the subjects were mentally destabilized. This then lead to them signing the contracts which the Scientologists had at the ready." (Prof Dr. W. Mende, Psychiatric Clinic of the Munich University, testimony from 21 Dec. 84 for the Munich KVR, p. 51 on personality tests).
Sometimes the evaluations yielded suicide risks: "One of the favored sales techniques is to tell the subjects that the test showed they were candidates for suicide." (STA Munich 115 Js 4298/84 decision of 24 Apr. 86). More expert testimony, "The statement that they were potential suicide candidates - that was reported in two cases - is not valid based on the results of a test. In both cases they were factually wrong. Such statements, however, pose a threat to unstable people. Such a threat, in the absence of preventive measures, poses a risk to the subject, especially if neither therapeutic nor interpersonal relations exist. It is justifiable on neither general psychological grounds nor by psychotherapeutic intention." (Prof. Dr. W. Mende, Psychiatric Clinic of the Munich University, testimony of 21 Dec. 84 for the Munich KVR).


Instructions for the test evaluation: →HCOB 19 Dec 79 BA 363 say that a low point on the right side of the curve means that the PC is crazy. →HCOB 19 Dec. 71 in Technical Bulletins VI, p. 462 says that a low left side means that the PC is "out of valence" and a low right side means the PC is crazy.
Former Scientologist adherent Tom Voltz describes in his book "Scientology und (k)ein Ende" how he bought the rights to the test and the legal action that is currently in process on it.

is not a Personal Computer, but a Pre-Clear. That means a person who is not yet clear, but is being (or will be) audited, and therefore appears to be on the best way there.

The word "postulate" can always be heard around Scientologists. It describes a determination or decision that leads (according to the convictions of the Scientologists) to a extensive increase in the ability of the postulator, along with a corresponding development in reality. Taken the other way around, it is, of course, a personal failure if you are not able to "transform" your wishes or decisions into reality.

PTS →Suppressive

reactive mind:
According to Hubbard a person has three kinds of mind next to each other. One serves only to mechanically steer the body. One collects data and makes decisions on the basis of the accumulated data according to purely logical criteria. The last is the "reactive mind," which causes all the undesired conduct as it contains engrams. It is not subject to voluntary control (see DSTD p. 4, 76, 91)

Purification Rundown (or Purification Program):
By sweating in a 140 degree sauna for hours on end, combined with the ingestion of high dosages of vitamins, calcium and magnesium, body and mind are supposed to be purged of drugs and environmental poisons.

»By Tech is mean Technology, which naturally refers to the application of the precise scientific drills and processes of Scientology.« (DSTD p. 96)


also called SP or Suppressive Person. Hubbard made a theory by which there are people, who based on earlier experiences, now only wanted the worst for the entire world. A large part of his theoretical writings address these people, their misdeeds, exposing them and the question of how to render them harmless Psychiatrists and psychologists are always regarded as Suppressive Persons; there are a whole series of special programs to suppress these people. It is typical for a person who is under the "influence" of a psychiatrist (e.g., psychiatric treatment, psychopharmaceuticals) are regarded by Scientologists as PTS (Potential Trouble Sources).



There are a couple of pages of contacts listed by the author in Germany, Austria, Switzerland and Liechtenstein which would not be of use to English speakers, so they will not be listed

The End

Additional reading

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